this is me being depressed.

This is me being depressed. Its 2:22 on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Ethan left this morning, we said goodbye last night. I got planning done for biology yesterday and today I have spent wading in chemistry, hating my text book, hating myself for not knowing Chemistry well enough to ditch the text. I have to leave for work in approximately 7 minutes.

There were ups and downs to vacation... I did not get done as much as I wanted to, but at least Ethan was home. I think I had 2 seperate emotional breakdowns, which isnt exactly listed on the ups side.... I am just so sick of my current situation, and I am not sure what to do...

I am sick and tired of being so far away from my boyfriend. I hate that every time he comes, its like an emotional rollercoaster for us both and it totally throws off our groove. (ref: Emporer's New Groove) Its very difficult to maintain a serious relationship for 2.5 years when we have been apart practically the whole time.

I am also sick and tired of school. Its so difficult. I knew that it was going to be hard.... but its SO hard. Every day, I like it less.... the only reason I want to stay is because I cant give up on the kids. I dont agree with the educational model of my school and I am being squished from every side. Its stressing me out so much that when I have the time to relax, I cant, because I cant stop thinking about school and how I dont know it well enough to be at ease.
This week we are starting genetics in biology. They will be learning about dominant and recessive traits, phenotype, genotype, alleles, genes, homozygous, heterozygous, punett squares, mendel and his pea plants, monohybrid and dihybrid crosses, and meiosis this week. THIS week. Its not that I dont love it, because I do, and I think they will have fun with it, but so much goes into it on my part... its just tough.
Chemistry will be talking about minerals and resources... then skipping to redox reactions and balancing equations. And as I said, the book is crap. I was reading one of the practice problems and it mentions how F or something usually forms an anion due to the charge.... yeah... well guess what, the book has NEVER taught them how to use the periodic table to find charges. So now I have to go back and teach them about electron levels and how to know if your element is likely to give up electrons or gain electrons.... something which will take a lot of time and effort on my part to re-learn.
Who knows what physical science is doing this week. I really have no clue.

I am just so emotionally, physically, and mentally burnt out. I am really starting to doubt whether or not I was really meant to be a teacher. I dont know if I am doing a good job. I know its killing me though. I am absolutely miserable, and im not really sure what to do about it.

I talked to my mom about it... she thinks that there will never really be a time in my life when I am this free.... she thinks I should quit in January and move to Florida. Its tempting. Its also tempting to take a micro job at the hospital... they have one for every thurs and fri and every other sat or something. I could do that and fill in otehr days of the week. im just so freakin stressed out... I dont want to be soured on teaching, but I just cant handle what I have on my plate right now. What am I supposed to do?



I guess go to work, since its time.