how much stays, how much goes away
The real question is how much of you there is when you are constantly giving little pieces of yourself away?
Some Christian beliefs seem to tout the idea of "guarding your heart".
What does that mean, exactly?
Some take it in the sense that you should not date anyone until you think you are going to get married.
Some mean it in a purely sexual way - no kissing, no nothing until marriage.
Others would tell you to merely be careful.
I do not really take an extremist view of gaurding your heart, but I think the idea is important. I think it is something people should, well, take to heart.
I myself have not been so great at gaurding my heart, but I debate as to whether I would really change it if I could... or if I would even change it now.
In the past, I have been open with people, yet distant. I have no problem telling people about what is going on in my life, IF they choose to ask. If they dont, I usually do not volunteer. But if they do, I can convey factual information with little to no emotional response behind it. Its being open, but not.
Because I have been so closed to people I know, I have been incredibly open in relationships. My boyfriend is the one I can actually show my emotions to... cry in front of... be angry, or be sad, or be whatever... just be myself. It has led to some high tension moments... and ive thrown myself pretty whole-heartedly into loving said boyfriend. I cant imagine not being completely open with someone when im in a relationship.
I have been fortunate enough to be in long term relationships... and the ones that did not work out, indeed turned out to be those guys in my life that I could not bare all to.
But... back to the whole gaurding your heart thing... I have not been so good at it in relationships. And I have not wanted to be. But part of the leading philosophy of gaurding your heart is that when you are open with yourself with people, you give parts of yourself away that are meant to be saved.
I guess the best way to explain it would be like a puzzle. You start giving small pieces (or large pieces) away and you are left with an incomplete picture.
Is this true? Could this be?
I freely admit to making many mistakes in the past. And I will make more in the future. There are things I wish I would not have done. But I did, and I cannot change that. I hate that people I love have done things that I would rather they would not have.
Yet... it does not leave them as less of a person. I think in some ways it makes them more whole. They have learned, they have grown, they have changed.
Plus I feel like the more I give of myself (to the people I love, to my students, to whatever), the more I have to give. It just bubbles up. I think I cannot love Jon more, then I find that I do. (If you can quantify that sort of thing!) I think I am at the end of my rope with my students, but then I find another way to explain things to them, another way to reach out to them.
This post is not really about me, and I hope that is clear. I just wanted to mull over the idea of guarding your heart and what it means and whether I am less of a person as a result of my failure to be careful. Am I? I dont feel less.
And even if I DID feel less, could I really honestly close myself off? I doubt it.
What joy is there in the sunshine if you never have the rain to compare it to?
What is the point of having this wonderful ability to love and form relationships with people if you do not use it as much as you can?
So go be a slut.
Okay I am totally kidding. Save your sexual stuff for the people you really honestly love, the people you are with for a long time, the people who really love you.
But I think to be open to that love... that is the key, and that is also the hard part.
Bleh. It is late. I am rambling. I think you get the point. If you figure it out, let me know, I might have missed it somewhere along the way.
Some Christian beliefs seem to tout the idea of "guarding your heart".
What does that mean, exactly?
Some take it in the sense that you should not date anyone until you think you are going to get married.
Some mean it in a purely sexual way - no kissing, no nothing until marriage.
Others would tell you to merely be careful.
I do not really take an extremist view of gaurding your heart, but I think the idea is important. I think it is something people should, well, take to heart.
I myself have not been so great at gaurding my heart, but I debate as to whether I would really change it if I could... or if I would even change it now.
In the past, I have been open with people, yet distant. I have no problem telling people about what is going on in my life, IF they choose to ask. If they dont, I usually do not volunteer. But if they do, I can convey factual information with little to no emotional response behind it. Its being open, but not.
Because I have been so closed to people I know, I have been incredibly open in relationships. My boyfriend is the one I can actually show my emotions to... cry in front of... be angry, or be sad, or be whatever... just be myself. It has led to some high tension moments... and ive thrown myself pretty whole-heartedly into loving said boyfriend. I cant imagine not being completely open with someone when im in a relationship.
I have been fortunate enough to be in long term relationships... and the ones that did not work out, indeed turned out to be those guys in my life that I could not bare all to.
But... back to the whole gaurding your heart thing... I have not been so good at it in relationships. And I have not wanted to be. But part of the leading philosophy of gaurding your heart is that when you are open with yourself with people, you give parts of yourself away that are meant to be saved.
I guess the best way to explain it would be like a puzzle. You start giving small pieces (or large pieces) away and you are left with an incomplete picture.
Is this true? Could this be?
I freely admit to making many mistakes in the past. And I will make more in the future. There are things I wish I would not have done. But I did, and I cannot change that. I hate that people I love have done things that I would rather they would not have.
Yet... it does not leave them as less of a person. I think in some ways it makes them more whole. They have learned, they have grown, they have changed.
Plus I feel like the more I give of myself (to the people I love, to my students, to whatever), the more I have to give. It just bubbles up. I think I cannot love Jon more, then I find that I do. (If you can quantify that sort of thing!) I think I am at the end of my rope with my students, but then I find another way to explain things to them, another way to reach out to them.
This post is not really about me, and I hope that is clear. I just wanted to mull over the idea of guarding your heart and what it means and whether I am less of a person as a result of my failure to be careful. Am I? I dont feel less.
And even if I DID feel less, could I really honestly close myself off? I doubt it.
What joy is there in the sunshine if you never have the rain to compare it to?
What is the point of having this wonderful ability to love and form relationships with people if you do not use it as much as you can?
So go be a slut.
Okay I am totally kidding. Save your sexual stuff for the people you really honestly love, the people you are with for a long time, the people who really love you.
But I think to be open to that love... that is the key, and that is also the hard part.
Bleh. It is late. I am rambling. I think you get the point. If you figure it out, let me know, I might have missed it somewhere along the way.
posted by FireWithin at 11:00 PM
2 Comments:
Hello again. It's been awhile since I've read your posts, but here I am once more.
I too am puzzled by this "guarding your heart" idea. I do not understand how being open with a person is giving away pieces of yourself. Transfer of information does not deprive the giver of that information. I think that you are still the same person despite being open with your feelings.
I hear nothing but the sound of the falling rain. Always in company yet curiously alone.
I love the rain though... it almost always rains when something bad happens and I need a cleansing. The weather often matches my mood.
I think I agree... you gotta be cautious with who you are open with (like, dont be a slut! and do not wear your heart on your sleeve) but you also have to throw caution to the wind in many cases because loving someone is to be completely open, to give all of yourself.
Post a Comment
<< Home