sigh

Nothing like starting off the day with a mental breakdown.

No, seriously.


Overall, I am just beat. Whipped, if you will, and there is certainly no cherry on top.



Do not get me wrong, I am positively thrilled that Jon and I will be getting married in 3 months time. Every time I think about walking down the aisle towards him, I get a huge smile on my face. Then I check it out in the mirror to see if I am going to look like an idiot in my wedding pictures. (I do.)

I am excited for our honeymoon and more than ready to move out of my house and find a place together.


I just wish it weren't all happening at once.

I keep telling myself that it is probably a lot like childbirth - the pain is worth it in the end, and when it comes to fruition, you forget all about what you went through to get there. I am sure it is like that! At least, I have to believe that, otherwise I will seriously combust. And forget the spontaneous part, this has been coming for awhile.



Time is slipping by so quickly. Since this year started, I have been racing and racing and racing and I am not sure exactly what for. There is time to be had, yet every waking moment is spend in some sort of frenzied planning mode... even if I force myself to watch a movie or play video games! My mind just races, and I don't like it one bit.

I know it will get better. People keep saying to me - how can I help you? What can I do? Well, there is a list of a zillion little tiny details that need to be taken care of. For example, the centerpieces have to be made. The envelopes have to be addressed. I have to send an email out with hotel information (why I need to do that NOW before I even send out the invite is beyond me). I have to figure out what to do with my hair. I have to get presents for the bridal party. I have to write checks. The little things go on and on, and really, it is not stuff I can necessarily delegate. I fit it in when I can between the other things that I am doing.


Jon has been doing a very nice job of giving me credit for all the plans I have executed and made - and I appreciate that. What I really want though is for it to be over.

I should stress here that it is not the decision-making that is the issue, but the apparent accountability towards everyone else. Like I have said before, everyone comes to me about what is going on... I have my own list and my own timeline for doing things, and it is going just fine, thank you! Yet when you ask what jewelery my bridesmaids are wearing and I tell you I have not thought about it and do not particularly care, the way your eyes widen in shock annoys the snot out of me! And when you ask when and where my honeymoon is going to be and I do not know yet because Jon has been working on it this past week, it makes me very angry when you gasp and tell me, "I thought that would have been planned right away!" What you did for your wedding was very lovely, I am sure, but no, it does not particularly bother me if my bridesmaids wear different shoes and no, I am not buying stupid wedding trinkets that everyone throws away anyway, I am donating llamas. Why llamas? BECAUSE I CAN. And you know why I can? Because it is our wedding, and we will name our tables after muppets if we want to! Yes, I am going to "flip flop, flip flop" down the aisle because you cannot see my feet anyway, so why should I wear million dollar shoes that will give me a blister anyway? What am I going to do about my make-up? HA! Are you daffy? Do you see how much make-up I wear every day? In case you haven't, it is NONE. Well yes, I know that there are pictures to be taken, obviously I wrote a very large check to someone who will do that, but I do not feel the urge to be made up like Barbie's first prom. I would prefer if my fiance can recognize me other than the tell-tale white dress.


So really, its just the accounting to others that stresses me out. I would be perfectly fine if people just sort of left me alone and showed up in Maine on Sept 14th. Be surprised! It is going to be a very nice cermony, and we will all look dapper and dashing. I will look ravishing in my dress, you will remark how tiny I am and how pretty I look... we will proceed to eat a very yummy meal at a rather eccentric place. There will be dancing. The DJ will do a great job and our crazy photographer will be hanging from the ceiling taking pictures. You will enjoy yourself. So stop bothering me about details!


Okay, okay... it is nice that you care. It is nice that you are excited for us. Our wedding is about us and a big part of us is YOU... our friends and family. We want to celebrate our day with you because we are, in part, definied by the crowd we keep. And we love you, we do. I am sorry for flipping out, or giving you a tight-lipped smile, brushing you off, or simply evading you! It is not personal, because I really do appreciate that you are excited. But please, pretty please, this time with a cherry... Just come. You don't need to know any details but the most important one - Jon and I are getting married.





Now that I have ranted...


There is not much going on. Same old, same old.
School ended on Friday, my last day is Wednesday. Monday I am going to a balloon launch, then proceeding to chase the balloon. Tuesday I will be grading all day and therefore probably miserable. Wednesday is a half day and to celebrate I intend to treat myself to... something. Don't know what.

I am at work right now at the hospital, and I intend on working here lots over the summer.
Next weekend we are in Chicago to celebrate Brian and Suzanne's wedding.
After that, my nose has to hit the books because my study group expects an outline to 2 or 3 of our masters comps questions by June 30th. Fabulous. Who doesn't like going to the library and studying in the summer?
That weekend happens to be Kris and Krista's wedding in Mass., so Jon and I will be bunking up with Nick and Ian. I can't wait to spend the weekend with three boys whose current favorite joke is "That's what she said". (Sorry guys, you know I love you, I just don't like jokes.)
Project has officially started, so I will be singing on Wednesdays and Sundays, which is very good for my voice, but bad for my sleeping schedule. Eh, daylight is over-rated.

Umm... other than that... my iron is low. Really low. Which is another thing that makes me angry. My TIBC is normal, my transferrin a little on the low side of normal.... but my serum iron is REALLY LOW. Its just another reason why I have been so run down lately. Low iron = worn out Ericka.

Lastly, I really need to start working out, doing yoga, kickboxing, or something... I need some sexy arms for my wedding dress... Now that school is over, it is like I have 8 more hours a day to do something! AWESOME!