contentment (or something like it)
It is hard for me to tell sometimes what real contentment is. Some say it is just accepting your current situation as is and being happy with it. But then that makes me question the role of learning and growth. It is also difficult for me to know, then, when to ask for something, or when to just let it be.
And example might be my job at the hospital. There is no doubt that I get paid well for what I do. But do I get paid as much as the other people who work there? No. Is that fair? Not really. But again, what is fair?? Well, I think fair means people getting what they deserve. I am a good worker, I make very few mistakes, and my turn around times for tests are very quick.
But would I be content if I did not know what other people made?? So should I be content with what I do make? Or do I deserve more??
Truthfully, this is not the REAL issue, but a good example of what I am talking about. My pay at the hospital does not really bother me... the simple fact remains that I do not work enough to really warrent bringing up my pay that much.
But I struggle, sometimes, with knowing what to do with people. I have been told before to be self-righteous, to tell people what I want, to expect to be treated well, to not settle for less. But how do I know what appropriate treatment even is? How do I tell the difference between me being a brat and wanting to be treated like a princess and me actually being treated poorly and should actually demand better??
I am not very good at introspection, as I am sure you know... and I have this really odd lack of self awareness when it comes to stuff like this. Until, that is, a situation comes up in which I need to look at it. Being unhappy usually is a good indication that things are not right.... and that things need to change. But is it a change of the situation or a change in the condition of my heart that needs to happen? I just do not know.
I suppose in the meantime I should just focus on what I do know to be good and true and stable. Perhaps it is all just a reminder to Be still and know. I am trying!
And example might be my job at the hospital. There is no doubt that I get paid well for what I do. But do I get paid as much as the other people who work there? No. Is that fair? Not really. But again, what is fair?? Well, I think fair means people getting what they deserve. I am a good worker, I make very few mistakes, and my turn around times for tests are very quick.
But would I be content if I did not know what other people made?? So should I be content with what I do make? Or do I deserve more??
Truthfully, this is not the REAL issue, but a good example of what I am talking about. My pay at the hospital does not really bother me... the simple fact remains that I do not work enough to really warrent bringing up my pay that much.
But I struggle, sometimes, with knowing what to do with people. I have been told before to be self-righteous, to tell people what I want, to expect to be treated well, to not settle for less. But how do I know what appropriate treatment even is? How do I tell the difference between me being a brat and wanting to be treated like a princess and me actually being treated poorly and should actually demand better??
I am not very good at introspection, as I am sure you know... and I have this really odd lack of self awareness when it comes to stuff like this. Until, that is, a situation comes up in which I need to look at it. Being unhappy usually is a good indication that things are not right.... and that things need to change. But is it a change of the situation or a change in the condition of my heart that needs to happen? I just do not know.
I suppose in the meantime I should just focus on what I do know to be good and true and stable. Perhaps it is all just a reminder to Be still and know. I am trying!
posted by FireWithin at 7:36 AM
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