Day 37

*Warning, this post contains commentary on female issues, read with caution, or not at all!*








Okay, so it has been 37 days. Normal females (you know, the ones whose bodies function properly) have a 28 day cycle. Me, in my abnormal endometriosis state, usually average around 33.

Now, my nutritionist put me on a new calcium supplement last month, and thus far, I thought I had it absolutely made. I had no pms, I was feeling great. But then I started to worry... the absence of pain really freaked me out. And how pathetic it was to realize that pain comforts me! Normal, for me, is pain. This whole feeling jolly good thing was absolutely not normal.

And so, I was thinking I was supposed to get my period last weekend... but I did not have any of the "tell-tale" signs... Actually, I was cranky... and my face started to break out... but the big (literally and figuratively) sign was missing - no water retention in my chest.

For those of you lovely ladies out there who have been pregnant, I am sure you can feel my pain here... having swollen breasts is NOT fun and totally not preferable. Trust me, I could easily go toe to toe with any mom as far as stretch marks go. That is how much I gain.


Anyway... that was not there.


And I got freaked out.



Jon and I were pretty stinking confident that we were not pregnant, but I realized something.... it is kind of scary, but its totally conceivable that if I did get pregnant, Jon and I would deal with having baby. Our wedding is 2 months away, I would not be showing then... and, heck, we want kids. We could cope. Not preferable, but manageable. The concept is strange in and of itself because its like whoa, we could do this.

Trust me when I say that we are not pregnant. We aren't. Thank the Lord!


However, I still am missing my period... and to be totally honest, I feel like POOP!
I am so run down, I am exhausted. My breasts have finally decided to gain that ridiculous weight, so every movement has to be carefully coordinated to minimize their movement. I am starving, my face is still really broken out... and I am just WAITING. It absolutely sucks, and yes yes, I am complaining about it to... who knows.



Bottom line is that I feel awful and have been in a rather rotten mood for over a week now.

Not only am I miserable, but I am anticipating not feeling so hot when it actually comes. The longer in between, the worse I feel. Its like my body is TRYING to be normal, but it cant go for some reason. It reminds me of a turnstyle. If you do not push hard enough, you cannot go through. If you push too hard, it swings around and whacks you in the butt! That is what will happen to me... pushing pushing pushing till I get hurt. Bleh. Grr. All those sorts of things.

Hopefully it will come very soon so that I am not a barrel full of scorpions this weekend. Here is my schedule for the week...




Monday ~ clean clean and clean more to get ready for my brother moving home
Tuesday ~ school, then work at the hospital
Wednesday ~ school, then dress rehearsal for Project
Thursday ~ school
Friday ~ Concert. 8 pm. Lower Merion High School. Be there.
Saturday ~ Prenuptual Paintball... then swimming in the afternoon... then respective bachelor / bachelorette parties
Sunday ~ 12:30 friend shower here... 5 Project Party




Great timing for it, given my present misery. I guess we shall see how the week goes and I will get as much sleep as I can to prepare. I apologize in advance if I am rude or mean to anyone this week, I will do my best not to be.



In other news, Jon and I are now the proud owners of a sofa and armchair. Woot. It is green and we like it. It currently resides in my basement, but will be moving to our apt on the 16th! :)

Life is so exciting, no?