rain
It has been a really rainy day.... but overall, a really nice March. It actually seems to be full of babies, which is a good thing for the parents, I suppose.
Jon and I have been trying to figure out the whole "family" thing... when to start, and whatnot. It is not exactly the easiest decision for us because there are several factors playing into it.
1) Lupron. Since I ended the drugs in late Oct, I had to give my body time to get back on track. Usually, it takes the body about 2 months before you have a period. Well, if you have been reading this blog, then you know already I did not get it again til late January (3 months). My second one I only got this past week. So that took another 6-7 weeks. Anyway, more conservative estimates say that you should give yourself 6 months for the drugs totally get out of your system before getting pregnant... which means April-May. We sort of thought summer sounded appropriate.
2) Endometriosis. When I had my laparoscopy a few years ago, my endo was mostly on the outside of my uterus. Recently, I found out that this could mean pain when I first get pregnant since the scars need to stretch and break. Anyway, though the scarring was not inside, that does not necessarily mean it is not inside now. Scarring on the ovaries or in the fallopian tubes can make it really hard for my eggs to get to the right place. More scars = less fertility. And honestly, we just don't know. The longer we wait, the more of a gamble it is, the more difficult (or impossible) it might be.
3) Jobs / Timing. To time it best for my FMLA leave from school, its best to have a kid around March/April so that I can take off the last bit of school and then have the whole summer with the kid. However, both of us want new jobs... so.... we have to consider when to do that in respect to having (and being able to pay for) a kid.
4) Travel. I want to travel. Jon is willing to be dragged along with my whims, it seems. This summer we are too busy with Project Philly to have the time to go away. Plus, we decided we really want to go to Australia. And make it AWESOME. So if we want to do that, we need to have time to plan, and we need to have the money to pay for it and the ability to take a few weeks off.
Ultimately, we have decided the following...
We are going to take the gamble and wait to have a kid. We are going to try to plan a trip to Australia for next summer, and get pregnant after that. In the meantime, we will both be looking for jobs. I feel a bit hesitant about this... just because before the travel thing came up, I was sort of mentally getting myself ready to try for a family. Yet, with everyone around us having kids... when I hold them, I do not really feel maternal and I think, ugh, do you have to hold babies constantly!? Which sort of shows me I am really not all that mentally ready for that kind of change.
And so, I think this decision is a smart one for us. We can take the next year to figure out our jobs... save up money... plan a freakin awesome trip... and spend a bit more time just being married and having fun.
I admit - I am really scared by the possibility that my endo may come back en force or I may be scarred up enough that having a child will be impossible. I am fully open to adoption, and I have forever felt like maybe I would adopt no matter what my ability level was... It is scary though, the thought that one year could change everything. I have to trust that our kids are out there somewhere, whether genetically ours or not. I know we will have a family some day... and taking the time to live life a bit might seem a bit selfish, but I think it will put us in a more stable position for that family some day.
Plus there is no way I am toting babies across Australia. :)
Jon and I have been trying to figure out the whole "family" thing... when to start, and whatnot. It is not exactly the easiest decision for us because there are several factors playing into it.
1) Lupron. Since I ended the drugs in late Oct, I had to give my body time to get back on track. Usually, it takes the body about 2 months before you have a period. Well, if you have been reading this blog, then you know already I did not get it again til late January (3 months). My second one I only got this past week. So that took another 6-7 weeks. Anyway, more conservative estimates say that you should give yourself 6 months for the drugs totally get out of your system before getting pregnant... which means April-May. We sort of thought summer sounded appropriate.
2) Endometriosis. When I had my laparoscopy a few years ago, my endo was mostly on the outside of my uterus. Recently, I found out that this could mean pain when I first get pregnant since the scars need to stretch and break. Anyway, though the scarring was not inside, that does not necessarily mean it is not inside now. Scarring on the ovaries or in the fallopian tubes can make it really hard for my eggs to get to the right place. More scars = less fertility. And honestly, we just don't know. The longer we wait, the more of a gamble it is, the more difficult (or impossible) it might be.
3) Jobs / Timing. To time it best for my FMLA leave from school, its best to have a kid around March/April so that I can take off the last bit of school and then have the whole summer with the kid. However, both of us want new jobs... so.... we have to consider when to do that in respect to having (and being able to pay for) a kid.
4) Travel. I want to travel. Jon is willing to be dragged along with my whims, it seems. This summer we are too busy with Project Philly to have the time to go away. Plus, we decided we really want to go to Australia. And make it AWESOME. So if we want to do that, we need to have time to plan, and we need to have the money to pay for it and the ability to take a few weeks off.
Ultimately, we have decided the following...
We are going to take the gamble and wait to have a kid. We are going to try to plan a trip to Australia for next summer, and get pregnant after that. In the meantime, we will both be looking for jobs. I feel a bit hesitant about this... just because before the travel thing came up, I was sort of mentally getting myself ready to try for a family. Yet, with everyone around us having kids... when I hold them, I do not really feel maternal and I think, ugh, do you have to hold babies constantly!? Which sort of shows me I am really not all that mentally ready for that kind of change.
And so, I think this decision is a smart one for us. We can take the next year to figure out our jobs... save up money... plan a freakin awesome trip... and spend a bit more time just being married and having fun.
I admit - I am really scared by the possibility that my endo may come back en force or I may be scarred up enough that having a child will be impossible. I am fully open to adoption, and I have forever felt like maybe I would adopt no matter what my ability level was... It is scary though, the thought that one year could change everything. I have to trust that our kids are out there somewhere, whether genetically ours or not. I know we will have a family some day... and taking the time to live life a bit might seem a bit selfish, but I think it will put us in a more stable position for that family some day.
Plus there is no way I am toting babies across Australia. :)
posted by FireWithin at 8:21 PM
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