the comfort of swapping spit

I know it may seem a bit strange to think about, but I actually find some comfort in "swapping spit". I do not mean kissing here. I mean the casual sharing of food with a friend or relative.

Last night, my family went to the Kimberton Inn to celebrate my brother's move to Florida, my parent's 32nd wedding anniversary, and our 2nd wedding anniversary. A bittersweet night, but an extra fun one, due to running into my ex-aunt Gloria and her husband Jon, who joined us for coffee and dessert after our respective meals.

For those of you who do not live around here, the Kimberton is kind of a high-brow place. The kind that is built of stone and wood and has roaring fires in the winter. The kind with a piano player. The kind where they comb your table after your main course. The kind of place where you have to use the bathroom 3 times because the waitstaff fills your water glass every time you take a sip. We had stuff to celebrate, and our family likes to celebrate with extravagant dinners that make me embarassed over how much they cost. When I will not even buy a tank top at old navy unless its on sale for $8, a 7 ounce filet with 3 pieces of steamed broccoli and "microgreens" that is 4 times that seems a bit extreme. But hey, my family never did any "typical" family stuff like going camping or even really going to the shore. We did dinner. I am going off track here, but I will never forget the night my brother, then 12, said to the waitress at the Eagle Tavern, "I would like the bacon-wrapped shrimp for an appetizer and the filet for my main meal." Uh huh.

So we had a great dinner. When Jon and I got there, they had already opened a bottle of wine. Turns out that I am a fan of non-acid "round" wine, not the tart one they had opened. So the sommolier bantered back and forth with my mom over what else he could bring out that she might like. He brought some kind of pinot from Italy and her and I were satisfied. My mother and I both had the filet for dinner while my brother and Jon had rack of lamb. I am not sure what my dad had. For (one of) his appetizers, my brother got the lobster bisque. Yum.

Now here is where we get around to the swapping of spit. See? I got there eventually!
My brother passed his bowl over to me, and using his same spoon, I proceeded to lap up quite a bit of the bisque. It was passed on to Jon from there. He did the same, and then passed back to me. I think I ate a spoonful en route back to Chris. This passing and sharing continued until it was pretty much gone. Similarly, before the food even came, we passed around a glass of the two wines so everyone could taste what was available.

So what is so comforting about that? Well, I think I appreciate the inherant trust that comes with the sharing of food. Whether you are eating something that has been touched by someone else's hands or drinking something that surely has a miniscule amount of backwash or putting something to your lips that was just at someone else's, you are basically saying, "I trust you." It is showing you are not afraid to get a little familiar with someone else.

Today Jon and I went apple picking with Kris and Krista. What a good idea! It was a perfect day for it. We got Jonagolds, Suncrips, Crispins, and some Red Delicious. Much like the wine, copious sampling was a necessity! Try before you buy! An apple of each kind was passed back and forth and WOW they were all sooooo good.

It is comforting though to know you are on "that level" with someone. Think about it: would you offer a complete stranger a bit of your sandwich? Would you eat half a cookie that your coworker decided not to finish? If some lady working out next to you at the gym offered you a sip of water from her bottle, would you take it? I doubt you would! But there is a level of comfort with family and with certain (probably not all) friends where you are close enough that you are not afraid to swap a little spit in the process.

I also think that you can use this to read how open a person is. Despite the fact that Jon and I are obviously very close and very comfortable with each other, it grosses him out if I accidentally have to use his toothbrush. Say, when traveling, and I forget mine. Still have to brush, right? This actually does not bother me in the least. For Heaven's sake, we kiss every day, and we have done plenty of other things, so who cares about a toothbrush? But he is skeeved. He will still let me do it, but he does not like it. He just prefers that over my retainer breath. I agree.

I think though that shows a degree of difference in our openness, or at least what grosses us out. But maybe thats a poor example. When I think about most of the people I consider "friends", I would have no problem using a spoon they just used, sharing a drink, or sharing food. This gets a little grey when I think of people I sing with, because I would call them friends, but I definitely do not know them as well as the people I talk with on a daily basis or the people I have known forever like my high school friends. But if they asked, I would, and I would not think too much of it. This, I believe, is related to my degree of comfort and openness with people because I think that some people, who are more closed off, would say yes out of obligation but be secretely nauseated by it and would sereptitiously wipe the top of the bottle they just shared.

Still, the point of this writing is more to express my appreciation of the very simple indications that you are close with someone rather than to question people's openness. When you are at that level, you do not even hesitate or think about sharing, it is simply part of your nature and your relationship. You share food, you share life, and inherent in this is the trust between those two people. Today I have really been glad for that.

As my brother drives down to Florida for who knows how long, I will miss the daily presence of someone I never hesitate to share soup with.