its like jenga. or maybe tetris.

I remember doing jig-saw puzzles with my brother when we were little, and we would always get excited to dump out the pieces and realize that two of them were already put together so it was one less thing we had to match. Come to think of it, we were excited enough to make me wonder WHY we did jig-saw puzzles in the first place. Anyway, you could start with those two pieces and build on that... or you could start finding the corners and start creating the edge with the flat pieces.

I guess I am not sure which direction my life is taking. I thought it was going to take the two pieces approach.... start with nothing but two things that are already together, and then build on top of that. I thought I was moving to Florida. I might not be. Soooo... I might be taking the edge approach... the two pieces are still together, but you start creating a framework first instead of worrying about those two.

There are a lot of things that excite me about the possibility of staying home... I can keep my job at the hospital... I can start working out with my brother.... I can teach in the fall, possibly at lower merion with josh, which makes me REALLY excited.... I can move out of my home but have the security of being close to it, possibly even in with josh and les.... I can substitute teach.... I can SING this summer, and as much as I am sad for Jenny that shes out of Project, it makes me REALLY thrilled to be able to participate.... I get to save up more money for China in June.... a lot of things. I know I will be more emotionally stable if I stay here. I know staying here is what, in my heart, I want to do.

But I dont know if it will work out that way... and as much as the idea of staying thrills me, I am kind of freaked by the ramifications of NOT starting with the two puzzle pieces. I dont know how it will work. I hope. I pray. I anticipate. But I dont know.

Maybe you are wondering what is triggering this post.... Ethan got offered a job at a local company today. !!!! I dont know what he will decide to do, and I know he has to do what he thinks is best and be where his heart is taking him. I am prepared to leave PA for awhile if need be. And he still owes me a trip to Disney, and theres no way hes getting out of that. At this point, I just want to stop waiting for things to happen.... I want to start making things pull together...

the apartment in Florida not working out, and Ethan getting this job.... I dont know, it feels like a sign to me. My aunt says that God does not work THAT mysteriously.... and to trust how the cards are falling. I know it will work out to the best and that we will make the best decision we can. So we will see.... I am prepared for either, but I know where my heart is. Now we just have to figure out what will actually happen!