today is the day
There are a couple of secrets that I keep. I am pretty good about keeping other people's secrets, but not so good at keeping my own... I am especially bad at keeping happy secrets or presents. As soon as I get something for someone, I want to give it to them right away.
That being said, its pretty shocking, this secret I have kept.
I have also never kept a diary. For quite a long time I wrote a prayer journal, and its something I must get back into the habit of doing... But I was never one to write down my thoughts every night. Blogging, even, is pretty sporadic and definitely goes between feast and famine. I guess I just like happy things to come out immediately because part of the joy is to share it with others, not to keep it bottled up.
So its with particular suprise that I have been able to keep this to myself for so long. and maybe it does not mean a lot to you, but it means a heck of a lot to me.
I have been keeping a journal for the past 3 years. I started writing it on the day that I was overwhelmed with the certainty that Ethan and I were going to get married. I never told him about it, though I alluded to having a very awesome present for him. The plan, all along, was to continue writing until our last night of freedom, and then give it to him as a wedding gift.
Well the journal has a lot of memories... lots of painful ones, of course, but lots of hope and truth and passion too. It shows a lot of growth... it actually makes me laugh to read what I wrote three years ago... to feel the immaturity just ooze out of the words. It makes me sad to read the entries over the past year... there is so much hurt... but its out of love, and that makes it okay. Even at the most dismal of times, when it was so close to being over, I held on to the journal and did not give it to him because I also hoped.
So why am I letting this secret out now? I have kept it for so long, why would I tell?
Well, I gave the journal to him today...
the night I planned to give it to him isnt going to happen anymore.
That being said, its pretty shocking, this secret I have kept.
I have also never kept a diary. For quite a long time I wrote a prayer journal, and its something I must get back into the habit of doing... But I was never one to write down my thoughts every night. Blogging, even, is pretty sporadic and definitely goes between feast and famine. I guess I just like happy things to come out immediately because part of the joy is to share it with others, not to keep it bottled up.
So its with particular suprise that I have been able to keep this to myself for so long. and maybe it does not mean a lot to you, but it means a heck of a lot to me.
I have been keeping a journal for the past 3 years. I started writing it on the day that I was overwhelmed with the certainty that Ethan and I were going to get married. I never told him about it, though I alluded to having a very awesome present for him. The plan, all along, was to continue writing until our last night of freedom, and then give it to him as a wedding gift.
Well the journal has a lot of memories... lots of painful ones, of course, but lots of hope and truth and passion too. It shows a lot of growth... it actually makes me laugh to read what I wrote three years ago... to feel the immaturity just ooze out of the words. It makes me sad to read the entries over the past year... there is so much hurt... but its out of love, and that makes it okay. Even at the most dismal of times, when it was so close to being over, I held on to the journal and did not give it to him because I also hoped.
So why am I letting this secret out now? I have kept it for so long, why would I tell?
Well, I gave the journal to him today...
the night I planned to give it to him isnt going to happen anymore.
posted by FireWithin at 4:39 PM
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