laparoscopy
It is day 3 after my surgery... guess I should start at the beginning.... But before I do, my thanks, love, and appreciation go out to my family, Jon, Les, Josh, Kelly, Mrs. M, and Chris K for checking up on me and offering their help. Thank you for your support!!!!
Let's start with the day before the surgery, so last Wednesday. The only reason I want to start here is because I had to do something particularly unpleasant... but I will try not to scare you with the details. I went to see Tuesdays with Morrie at the People's Light that night for class. That was not scary, it was wonderful, actually... but after I came home, I had to give myself a fleet enema to clean out my bowels.
Basically a fleet enema is a bottle of liquid with a rather imposing-looking tip on it that you are supposed to insert into your bum and squeeze the liquid through. After that, you are supposed to hold it in for 2 to 5 minutes, until you have a "strong urge to evacuate". Well believe me, I barely made it two minutes, I had quite the strong urge. After that, it was pretty unpleasant and left me feeling kinda ill, but it was fast... and thats about all the good I can say for it.
Day 1
Let me start off by saying how scared I was. I am not sure why I was scared, but I was. I was scared of what they would find, scared of the pain, scared of going under, scared of waking up.... Just scared. And I think that is okay. There was nothing wrong with being freaked out in this situation, it is kind of a big deal to me.
So they took me in, I put on some gowns, booties, and a lovely hair net, and then waited. And waited. And waited.
Finally around 9 (I got there at 7!) they took me up, put the iv in (kudos to the wierdo anasthesiologist who did a phenomenal job with my itty bitty dehydrated veins), and then began to joke around that they would take good care of me bc I have great insurenece.
How reassuring! :P
The last thing I remember is my team gathering (which included a resident and a med student... sure, I have no problem with someone who is YOUNGER THAN ME by 3 years looking at my private parts. Fantastic!) and as they wheeled me in, I went off into slumber.
Waking up was much harder than expected. I cant believe how bad I felt... basically like someone hit me with a truck. I could hardly stay awake, but I was in so much pain that I could hardly sleep. Unfortunately, this meant some middle ground and I could not leave until I was awake enough to pee. So several times I woke up and said I wanted to leave, and promptly passed out again before getting up to go. When I did finally manage it, I stooped over like a 90 yr old woman... I was actually worried I would fall asleep on the toilet. I didnt.
The most relief I had that day was peeing.... Because I could lean my elbows on my thighs and let my belly hang down with no pressure on it, and gravity would take care of my full bladder.
Anyway, we came home in the middle of the afternoon and I proceeded to spend the day semi-comatose. Jon came over after work with beautiful flowers (my mom gave me beautiful flowers also) and sat with me while I felt like poop. I did not even want to THINK about what they found or talk about the surg. In fact, every time it was brought up, I would start crying. I was just a total mess and there is not much more I can say about it.
Also, while under, they stuck a tube down my throat so that I could breathe. Those things are NASTY. I need to cough soooo badly (even today, day 3) and I cant because mya bs hurt so badly. Ugh. It amazes me that people go under for surgery all the time.
That night around 9, the doc called. She gave me the basic results, which I guess I will detail in the end. After that I started crying, I just did not want to deal with it at all.
That night, sleep was difficult. Actually, sleep has been difficult every night, but particularly so that night. Fortunately I was still kinda out of it from the anasthesia and I guess that helped... because out of the past three nights, I slept the best that night.
Day 2
My belly was (is!) super bloated. I look like I am a few months pregnant, honestly. Or like I have an old man beer gut. When you get a laparoscopy, they can pump up to 3L of CO2 in your abdomen to pull your muscles away from your organs so that they can get a peek down there.
So day 2 basically felt like someone jumped me and kicked me in the gut several times... or like I did way too many sit ups. And I mean, like hundreds too many, its definitely worse than a hard work out. More like stabbing pains when I try to use my abdominal muscles.
That being said,I felt better, less groggy, but still was having trouble typing and things. Jon was awesome enough to take the day off and to spend most of it by my side. We basically just watched tv and hung out. It was really nice.
Last night I got a call from Aunt Pat, who had a laparoscopy herself. Thankfully, she waited until AFTERWARDS to tell me it was the worst surgery shes ever had -worse than having kids, and worse than a hysterectomy. Lovely. Basically because I am female, undergoing anesthesia, and the laparoscopy is in your gut area,that puts you at really high risk of nausea. Fortunately they pumped me full of anti nausea stuff, so that was the least of my problems.
I got to take a shower too and remove some of my bandages. My belly button is kind of an oozing massacre.... but there is not much I can do about that. There is also a "poke hole" by my right ovary. Lovely! fortunately the stitches will spontaneously dissolve, and hopefully I will not scar. But I am pretty sure I will. It was nice, anyway, to get a shower and "refreshen up" as our China tourguide Emily would say.
Day 3
Today I am still incredibly bloated, but the gases are starting to move out... painfully... and I sneezed... bad bad bad bad and VERY PAINFUL idea. I am having more trouble sleeping now.... do yourself a favor, if you can learn to sleep on your back, do it NOW before you have no other option.
So I woke up around 7:30. It is now 8:30... I had some wicked CRAZY dreams last night too.... Anyway, I am feeling even better today (at least less groggy and nasty from the anasthesia) but still like I was kicked in the belly. Using my abs is torturous, so I am doing everything to avoid that. We will see how today goes, I suppose.
The results:
I have endometriosis. My Doc said the best thing to do is to get pregnant within the next year. HA. Theres this little thing called getting married and being married that I would like to do first. So that really is not an option.
They found a small spot on the back of my uterus, and quite a bit more on my rectum. They burned some of that off apparently. But it is there, and with it, you can never tell how much pain you will have. A little endo might cause a lot of pain... or a lot might cause no pain... but the good news is that despite the lots of pain and little endo, my fallopian tubes are clear and my ovaries are perfectly healthy. In other words, I can at least HAVE kids... for the time being.
The problem is that endometriosis will keep getting worse. And here are my options:
1) Throw myself into false menopause using Lupron or Depro (I am not a big fan of this option, it means mood swings, night sweats, hot flashes, and all the loveliness of actual menopause, plus it shuts down ALL of my hormones, also meaning less of a sex drive, and possibly bizarre hair growth - ew.)
2) nothing (the pain will continue to get worse and worse and possibly block up the works, meaning a harder time having kids later)
3) back to birth control (this option scares me, because I know messing with my hormones makes me NUTS, but this is probably the best option right now... I have a slight hope that perhaps my psychoticness from being on the Nuevoring over a year ago was perhaps in part due to other situations in my life, like working at Renacad and E moving to Florida and me being miserable in general... if that is the case, perhaps I can go back on and handle it now that I am a bit happier... good job, more stable personal relationships, etc)
I have pictures.... maybe I will put them up after I scan them at school. I dont know... the whole thing sucks, but at least it validates things- my pain is more than just cramping or a bad period. It is actually REAL and it is not just "in my head" as some people tend to say. Ahem.
So I have a follow up with the doc in two weeks, and we will talk it over. I know she is really pushing Lupron, but everything feels wrong about it. And I am not just scared, but my (over inflated) gut is saying NO, WRONG, BAD IDEA... and I usually have good instinct.
So that is how things are.... I was supposed to work tonight, thank the LORD that I took off from work, I am so incredibly happy that I had the foresight to do that instead of push through it. I also have Monday off from school, which is nice... though I definitely will have a huge mound of work to do when I get back. Sigh!
Anyway, please comment this post, let me know what you think.
Let's start with the day before the surgery, so last Wednesday. The only reason I want to start here is because I had to do something particularly unpleasant... but I will try not to scare you with the details. I went to see Tuesdays with Morrie at the People's Light that night for class. That was not scary, it was wonderful, actually... but after I came home, I had to give myself a fleet enema to clean out my bowels.
Basically a fleet enema is a bottle of liquid with a rather imposing-looking tip on it that you are supposed to insert into your bum and squeeze the liquid through. After that, you are supposed to hold it in for 2 to 5 minutes, until you have a "strong urge to evacuate". Well believe me, I barely made it two minutes, I had quite the strong urge. After that, it was pretty unpleasant and left me feeling kinda ill, but it was fast... and thats about all the good I can say for it.
Day 1
Let me start off by saying how scared I was. I am not sure why I was scared, but I was. I was scared of what they would find, scared of the pain, scared of going under, scared of waking up.... Just scared. And I think that is okay. There was nothing wrong with being freaked out in this situation, it is kind of a big deal to me.
So they took me in, I put on some gowns, booties, and a lovely hair net, and then waited. And waited. And waited.
Finally around 9 (I got there at 7!) they took me up, put the iv in (kudos to the wierdo anasthesiologist who did a phenomenal job with my itty bitty dehydrated veins), and then began to joke around that they would take good care of me bc I have great insurenece.
How reassuring! :P
The last thing I remember is my team gathering (which included a resident and a med student... sure, I have no problem with someone who is YOUNGER THAN ME by 3 years looking at my private parts. Fantastic!) and as they wheeled me in, I went off into slumber.
Waking up was much harder than expected. I cant believe how bad I felt... basically like someone hit me with a truck. I could hardly stay awake, but I was in so much pain that I could hardly sleep. Unfortunately, this meant some middle ground and I could not leave until I was awake enough to pee. So several times I woke up and said I wanted to leave, and promptly passed out again before getting up to go. When I did finally manage it, I stooped over like a 90 yr old woman... I was actually worried I would fall asleep on the toilet. I didnt.
The most relief I had that day was peeing.... Because I could lean my elbows on my thighs and let my belly hang down with no pressure on it, and gravity would take care of my full bladder.
Anyway, we came home in the middle of the afternoon and I proceeded to spend the day semi-comatose. Jon came over after work with beautiful flowers (my mom gave me beautiful flowers also) and sat with me while I felt like poop. I did not even want to THINK about what they found or talk about the surg. In fact, every time it was brought up, I would start crying. I was just a total mess and there is not much more I can say about it.
Also, while under, they stuck a tube down my throat so that I could breathe. Those things are NASTY. I need to cough soooo badly (even today, day 3) and I cant because mya bs hurt so badly. Ugh. It amazes me that people go under for surgery all the time.
That night around 9, the doc called. She gave me the basic results, which I guess I will detail in the end. After that I started crying, I just did not want to deal with it at all.
That night, sleep was difficult. Actually, sleep has been difficult every night, but particularly so that night. Fortunately I was still kinda out of it from the anasthesia and I guess that helped... because out of the past three nights, I slept the best that night.
Day 2
My belly was (is!) super bloated. I look like I am a few months pregnant, honestly. Or like I have an old man beer gut. When you get a laparoscopy, they can pump up to 3L of CO2 in your abdomen to pull your muscles away from your organs so that they can get a peek down there.
So day 2 basically felt like someone jumped me and kicked me in the gut several times... or like I did way too many sit ups. And I mean, like hundreds too many, its definitely worse than a hard work out. More like stabbing pains when I try to use my abdominal muscles.
That being said,I felt better, less groggy, but still was having trouble typing and things. Jon was awesome enough to take the day off and to spend most of it by my side. We basically just watched tv and hung out. It was really nice.
Last night I got a call from Aunt Pat, who had a laparoscopy herself. Thankfully, she waited until AFTERWARDS to tell me it was the worst surgery shes ever had -worse than having kids, and worse than a hysterectomy. Lovely. Basically because I am female, undergoing anesthesia, and the laparoscopy is in your gut area,that puts you at really high risk of nausea. Fortunately they pumped me full of anti nausea stuff, so that was the least of my problems.
I got to take a shower too and remove some of my bandages. My belly button is kind of an oozing massacre.... but there is not much I can do about that. There is also a "poke hole" by my right ovary. Lovely! fortunately the stitches will spontaneously dissolve, and hopefully I will not scar. But I am pretty sure I will. It was nice, anyway, to get a shower and "refreshen up" as our China tourguide Emily would say.
Day 3
Today I am still incredibly bloated, but the gases are starting to move out... painfully... and I sneezed... bad bad bad bad and VERY PAINFUL idea. I am having more trouble sleeping now.... do yourself a favor, if you can learn to sleep on your back, do it NOW before you have no other option.
So I woke up around 7:30. It is now 8:30... I had some wicked CRAZY dreams last night too.... Anyway, I am feeling even better today (at least less groggy and nasty from the anasthesia) but still like I was kicked in the belly. Using my abs is torturous, so I am doing everything to avoid that. We will see how today goes, I suppose.
The results:
I have endometriosis. My Doc said the best thing to do is to get pregnant within the next year. HA. Theres this little thing called getting married and being married that I would like to do first. So that really is not an option.
They found a small spot on the back of my uterus, and quite a bit more on my rectum. They burned some of that off apparently. But it is there, and with it, you can never tell how much pain you will have. A little endo might cause a lot of pain... or a lot might cause no pain... but the good news is that despite the lots of pain and little endo, my fallopian tubes are clear and my ovaries are perfectly healthy. In other words, I can at least HAVE kids... for the time being.
The problem is that endometriosis will keep getting worse. And here are my options:
1) Throw myself into false menopause using Lupron or Depro (I am not a big fan of this option, it means mood swings, night sweats, hot flashes, and all the loveliness of actual menopause, plus it shuts down ALL of my hormones, also meaning less of a sex drive, and possibly bizarre hair growth - ew.)
2) nothing (the pain will continue to get worse and worse and possibly block up the works, meaning a harder time having kids later)
3) back to birth control (this option scares me, because I know messing with my hormones makes me NUTS, but this is probably the best option right now... I have a slight hope that perhaps my psychoticness from being on the Nuevoring over a year ago was perhaps in part due to other situations in my life, like working at Renacad and E moving to Florida and me being miserable in general... if that is the case, perhaps I can go back on and handle it now that I am a bit happier... good job, more stable personal relationships, etc)
I have pictures.... maybe I will put them up after I scan them at school. I dont know... the whole thing sucks, but at least it validates things- my pain is more than just cramping or a bad period. It is actually REAL and it is not just "in my head" as some people tend to say. Ahem.
So I have a follow up with the doc in two weeks, and we will talk it over. I know she is really pushing Lupron, but everything feels wrong about it. And I am not just scared, but my (over inflated) gut is saying NO, WRONG, BAD IDEA... and I usually have good instinct.
So that is how things are.... I was supposed to work tonight, thank the LORD that I took off from work, I am so incredibly happy that I had the foresight to do that instead of push through it. I also have Monday off from school, which is nice... though I definitely will have a huge mound of work to do when I get back. Sigh!
Anyway, please comment this post, let me know what you think.
posted by FireWithin at 7:59 AM
5 Comments:
Oh boy. That is really hard news, Ericka. I am very fortunate that I cannot personally relate, but I wanted to tell you that in all of my pregnancy-related reading/ online searching/ seeking comiseration, I came across a number of support forums and info regarding getting pregnant despite endo. If you want to get in touch with some people with endo who are actively trying to conceive, I can point you in the right direction.
And, oh yeah-- you are so brave and I'm sorry it was such a rough time. I had no idea.
You should absolutely listen to what your *gut* is telling you. Pray and then listen some more.
Seriously, it is the best thing you can do!
I'm 15 and just had a lap. I had an ovarian cyst the size of a baseball. My bellybutton looks like i don't don't even have a bellybutton anymore, And its upsetting. I cant hardley walk and they video recorded the surgery. He flug around my organs like its fun to him. No wonder I'm sore. He also said that i might have the start of endomitriosis.. sorry i don't know how to spell it. My stomach used to be my favorite part about my body, But now it's hard to see my stomach look like theres a watermelon in it and my bellybutton is black.
I feel your pain.
Sorry about that Logan, it is no fun. Your stomach will go back to normal, but it will take a few weeks!
My lap was about a year and a half ago now, and my belly is totally normal. There is one scar about the size of a staple near my right ovary... and my belly button is smaller and has a staple sized scar inside of it also.
Sorry about your (potential) endo. Just never settle for less than an answer that satisfies you. There are plenty of options out there!
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