benevolence

Last night, my brother came in to me crying. He does not cry that much, but he was pretty shaken up.

He does not have a lot of people he would consider close friends, or good friends... or even friends. A lot of people have screwed him over, and a lot of "friends" turned out to be absolute jerks.... but he does have a few, and one of them was Meg, a girl he kept in touch with from where he used to work.

Meg died on the 12th when her drunk boyfriend crashed their car into a telephone pole after a work party.

A party my brother would have been at if he had been home from Utah.


What does it all mean? Why would a beautiful, smart girl, a senior in college, good job, good family, die instantly? Is it all random? Do such things have purpose? Is there a God, and if so, why did He let this happen???

These are all things he asked me.

It is incredibly difficult to understand such things, and I do not have all the answers, but I was able to tell him what I believe.

I believe such things do have a purpose... I believe there is a God who watches over us, who knows us to our core, who created us, and who has laid a path for us. I believe everyone has their time. Everyone's days are numbered. You do not know when you will go... but you do know you will.

Ido not believe such things are utterly random. To think of all the events that led up to that night... her and her boyfriend had been fighting... if they hadn't, perhaps things would have been different... maybe she had thought about quitting her job before, but she did not, and so she was at that party.... who knows....

One thing is for certain... it is completely moronic to drive while under the influence or to be in a car when they driver is. It is stupid, senseless, and just.... sigh.... just wrong. Everyone knows it. But everyone also says that nothing will happen to them.


When did we begin to think we were invincible?


When did we begin to think that all there is to life is pleasure? It just isn't true.


She died, and everyone else has to pay the price and suffer the loss. And it is not even her fault!!! But.... is it? Could she have done something different? Probably. But she didn't.

I prefer to believe that God is in control of my life... I make bad decisions under my own rule. I want to do things based on immediate gratification.... I went to be happy NOW.... instead of doing the RIGHT thing. That being said, its a fine line... you do not want to be overly cautious, and you want to keep moving on with your life even when you feel like it is ending....

Yet still, I want to lead a life of hope. Hope in God, hope in love... in friends, in family.... hope for a future which is Joy. And I cannot make that happen alone. God can. And that is why I believe.



If you get a chance, say a prayer for her friends and family... that they can find peace, that they can learn from this,and that they can continue to live, and hopefully not be consumed by sorrow and resent.