screw you, post-nasal drip!

I am at work. its about 9 and the night is going incredibly slow. It was a gorgoeus day out, but I spent it not doing what I wanted to do, but rather what I had to do. Annoying.

I spent most of last night awake due to my right nostril dripping snot down the back of my much-irritated throat. I know, isnt it lovely? Arent you glad you read this? Anyway, it hurt to breathe thru my nose, so I tried through my mouth... it was slightly better, but not much. So I realized I had to do the inconcievable: KILL MYSELF.



For those of you who havent had the opportunity to breathe directly into my face, I often refer to this as being killed. Its one of my little "things" that I hate... when someone breathes into my face, I feel like its "used" air, and I will often tell the culprit that he or she is "killing me with CO2". Sigh, yes, I know I am odd, but its just one of those things. I realize that used air is not completely CO2, and that its fully breatheable air... but I feel suffocated.


ANYWAY, last night was so bad, that I deliberately put my mouth under the covers so that I could breathe my own warm and moist pre-breathed air. You have no idea how difficult this was for me.

random thought: do you think I am OCD? or just strange?

so yes, it was so horrible and painful that I had to resort to breathing my own CO2. sigh.

feminine issues (aka, things you would rather not hear)

So I have come to the conclusion that birth control sucks. I have been on NuvaRing for about 7 months now, following my lovely trip to the ER because my cramps were so bad I was dying. Sigh. So yes, they (they being the gynocologists) put me back on birth control.

Backstory:
I went on birth control some time at the end of freshman year of college. Unfortunately, it was not due to all the sex I was having (cuz I wasnt) but because of cramps. I was on it for a little over a year... a sophmore year (as both Jon and Josh can attest to) was pretty stressful for me and I was sort of insane. After soph year, Jon and I went to camp for the summer, and I started getting migraines hardcore... so I was taken off the pill... awful cramps came back, and have been getting steadily worse ever since. Joy.
It was only after getting off the pill that i realized how anxious and depressed I had been, and I was pretty sure it was the pill. As soon as I was off of it, I had more energy and I was my normal happy self.
In the past few years, I have been trying multiple painkillers and its like I cant win. I was on Ponstel for awhile, and that worked, cept when I ate food directly before or after taking that little gem, which resulted in me throwing up profusely for about an hour. It also would occasionally make me feel like I was walking through a dream. Fun stuff. I tried large doses of tylenol (800 mg) and that tore my stomach apart... so while I didnt have period cramps, I had other cramps. So that didnt work. Then I tried Bextra... which was AMAZING... and 2 months later, they took it off the market. poor cox-2 inhibitors. so wonderful. so cancer causing. sigh.

Nowstory:
So I have been on bc for about 7 months and miraculously, I dont crumble into a little ball on the floor barely able to speak like I did before getting on bc. So thats good. And my chest has gotten bigger... im hardly one to complain there, cept that it freakin hurts. but the bad news.... I AM FREAKIN PSYCHO AGAIN. sigh. i cant win. I really cant. The past few months have been stressful for a number of reasons... Ethan moving to florida... me teaching and quitting... though Ethan seems to think quitting school really allowed me to focus on what a psycho I am, and that things got way worse for me personally after that.... And I tend to agree.
I have never been one to cry a lot, or to be uber emotional... but I find myself flipping over the stupidest things, feeling like im having a panic attack, and crying profusely without being able to stop.... im so not like that! And when I am anxious, my IBS kicks up, so my stomach is ultra sensitive to foods. Fortunately, I have realized its the birth control.... and I am not willing to be insane all the time so that I dont die 2 days out of the month. Not can you be anxious, but your sex drive goes down. And I am not having sex (seriously, I am not) but poor Ethan has to bear the brunt of all this, and this lack of sex drive is almost like a "dont even freakin touch me" type of feeling. I am very touchy feely, so when I get like that, I know im not myself, but I cant control it. :(
I went back to the obgyn and she wants me to try the mini pill, which just has progesterone in it. I dont know whats going to happen. I was reading the possible side effects, which included hair growth (like, a mustach), weight loss, and DEPRESSION. Sigh, thats what im trying to get away from. So I started it yesterday and we will see what happens. I just cant win apparently.


And why do you think im writing this? Well its for a couple of reasons... not to give you insight into all the gory details of my life... but to say hey, this is happening to me, and if you are on birth control, like a lot of you are, you might be having similar symptoms without realizing it. I think most likely lots of people... err.... women... have the same issues. I have done some research (and Ethan has too, cuz he wants to know what the bleep is wrong with me) and it really does seem like lots of women experience this stuff... I dunno, messing with your hormones is a scary thing cuz it doesnt JUST affect your reproductive tract, but also your mind and overall health.


I am just putting it all out there, and I hope that you werent grossed out or anything by this, if you decided to read it... but this birth control stuff makes me think of my bout with freakin monostat. Its like, why didnt someone TELL me it was like all the fire of hell in a tube of cream? So same with this... the more I talk to people about it, the more I find people with similar symptoms. Let me know if you are having the same issues or suspect someone of being insane because of it, I am really curious if I know more people who wonder if their birth control has taken control of their emotions too.

requisite update post

Well I got home from Florida around midnight on Tuesday... its freakin COLD here... I figured I should write a little update on my trip down there and let you guys know what "the plan" is.

I got to Florida on Thursday of last week... it was sunny and about 80, absolutely gorgeous and a welcomed respite from here. I slept at my aunt terrys house from thursday until sunday, and then spent sunday to tuesday at the econolodge. ghetto fabulous, as they say...

Anyway, Friday and Sat were spent running around Orlando looking for apartments. The result ended in this: www.oakwoodcommons15.com. We put money down on Tuesday for a large one bedroom for Ethan. Its pretty nice, and we will probably two of the few non-hispanic people there... but im kinda excited. So here is "the plan".....

Ethan is going to move in on April 1st (actually, after that, since he will be up here that weekend for a karate gym rotation... whatever that means... and I will be chaperoning Josh's trip to the high school a cappella competition... THAT should be amusing) and I will move down, with him, some time in April. As we found out, no one would really give me an apartment without a job... and its been a pain to look for jobs without a location to look at... so I will probably live with him for a few weeks until I have an official job and an official paycheck. After that, I will move out (May-ish?) into my own place (prob a studio) in the same complex. So thats what we are thinking as of now and we will see how it goes. Overall, it shouldnt take us too long to figure out whether or not we will kill each other if we live in the same state.

Other than that, the trip was good... the weather gorgeous.... We met up with Josh and Annette at Disney on Monday night. That was really fun... I hadnt seen Annette in forever, so that was very cool. Ethan and I had hoped to go for the day to the parks, but it was way too freakin expensive and he had to work. Oh well, there will be time I suppose. We went out to eat a few times... once with the relatives.... my aunt terry, uncle george, cousins aaron and jake, jakes gf kasey, aarons friend dawn, uncle andy, and uncle tom. It was amusing and they picked on Ethan a bit, which I got a kick out of. On Tuesday, before the flight, we went to a cute italian place which resulted in me getting VERY sick.... but other than that... and the recurring fever I had all thru the long weekend, it was successful. The longer I am down there, the easier it gets to be there, so im hopeful, even if I am really sad and scared to leave here. My relatives are very supportive and excited for me to come down.... though I think being in the same state as those crazies is even scarier than being with Ethan. :)



So thats the official word on the street.... and in other news, megaman is SO stinkin hard, but im doing my best.