freakin grad classes

Okay, so I procrastinated.

On Tuesday of next week, I have an hour long powerpoint presentation and journal article review to do for Forest Ecology.

My topic?

Biotic and abiotic factors influencing liana diversity.


In other words, more water means more types of vines. More light means more types of vines. Higher temperature means more types of vines. Etc etc... It seems common sense, doesn't it? There is nothing novel that I am uncovering here, except that there seems to be a conflict: If diversity is greater where there is more water and sun and thinner trees to climb on.... why is there LESS diversity in areas of disturbance such as logged forests, burned forests, or... um... deforested forests. Sigh. The mysteries of life. Don't worry, I will let you know when I figure it out.


And the thing I really hate is doing bibliographies. I mean, really, how freaking annoying? Stupid MLA format. I am thanking the Lord for Noodlebib, which makes created a works cited SOooOOoooOOoOOOooooo much easier. Praise the Lord for resources I am supposed to be using for my students but instead use myself. Yeah!


Anyway, I started getting into it tonight because I idiotically agreed to present next Tuesday. I did not have to. I could have gone in two weeks. But no, I thought to myself, self, you work best under pressure, you need to have a fire lit under your butt to get this done, so lets make it happen.

Now here I am, freaking out about it.



And so the presentation is Tuesday... technically, I can turn in the research paper the Tuesday after that but, catch 22, I cannot do the presentation without writing the paper first, since I am basing the presentation on the paper. Ahh, there's the rub.


Meanwhile, I have this epidemiology paper to write. The guidelines are to become an epidemiologist and to create a baseline level with which to determine an epidemic of a disease of your (limited) choice.

Naturally, I chose syphilis.


Fortunately for me, most of the data is up on the PA Dept of Health's website. Did you know that Chester County had 6 cases of syphilis in 2005? Yum.

However, its been a pain to get more data. I have called the dept of health a few times and finally they referred me to the Bureau of Infectious Disease. I called today. They were in a meeting, but I was told to ask for someone in the STD division. Awesome, I wanna work in the STD division. Sigh. Hopefully they will have what I am looking for. If not, then my prof is just out of luck, and he will get what I got.

That being said, I am not entirely sure when that paper and presentation is due. I know they are both on the same night. I know I am going 3rd out of the grad students.... but I have NO IDEA what night that is. It could be the 10th. It could be the 12th. Heck, it could be the 5th for all know... but I am absolutely dedicated to getting that freakin paper done by the 5th. So, worse case scenario, if I have to go on Wed night, it will definitely be over with. Bite me.




Anyway, tomorrow I plan to head straight to the Chester County Library to write my rear off and hope that its making sense. I read over a journal review I did a few weeks ago, and its like greek. And I dont know greek.


Meanwhile, Jon is having an equally frustrating and painful week in Alabama... possibly soon to be at Nichiha in who knows where. I dont know when I will get to see him again. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe not. Who knows. But regardless, probably not till these stinkin papers are over. He is way too much of a distraction. Sigh.



Okay, its bed time, if I can sleep with all this bs on my mind.

ode to the tulip poplar

This is a tribute to first loves and trees. And no, they are not one in the same.


This semester I have been taking Forest Ecology. I did not intend to take it, but I have to admit that it has been a pretty cool class. I also think my teacher is kinda cute, so that helps. (Do not worry, hes like 40 and divorced and has his doctorate in mycorrhizae, nerd!)

Anyway, we took a field trip to a small preserve by the university to check out the trees and study plots. It turns out that everyone in the class is more of the genetics / microbiology sort and we really know very little about trees. Therefore, the prof spent awhile identifying common trees for a lab we were to do later.

He asked if anyone knew a tree that has leaves like this:



I remembered that it was a poplar. Just one of those random facts dug out of the depths of my mind. Like so much information, it takes a very specific question to unearth it.

Anyway, he said yes, it was actually the tulip poplar.

Awesome, I know something about trees.



So I started thinking about the tulip poplar, and one specific memory comes to mind: my very first serious crush.



Oh first grade, how I adored thee.
Reading, spelling tests, multiplication tables, and my first crush, Dave T.


You guys know this, or you ought to, but Dave T was the first boy I ever adored. I mean, he was just adorable.

However, he was "cool" and I... well... have you seen pictures from elementary school? Try this one on for size:




Yeah.... hotness.

I was (okay, still am) a total nerd. One of my close friends at the time, Ashlee, also had a thing for Dave... and they were better together, because they were both popular and cute and whatever. I never confessed my adoration until years later.


Anyway, in first grade, we took a trip to Longwood Gardens. During the trip, we were split into groups and had to complete a worksheet that was sort of like a scavenger hunt. There were little puzzles and riddles and we had to find the answers.

One of them was "What is the tree that is named after a flower?"


Well, I got really excited because I found the answer at the last minute on our way out. Hurray for me!

But even better was the fact that at the door, we bumped into Dave T's group. Dave actually asked me if I had found the answer. I was happy to report that I did, and I shared the answer with him.

I think I floated on air the rest of the day and when I got home, I devoted 2 pages of my Precious Moments diary to the interaction.

2 pages for a first grader is a lot!



Anyway, if you have not guessed it by now, the answer was the tulip poplar.



Fast forward to 10th grade, Dave T became my first boyfriend, my first kiss... the first boy to hold my hand and to give me flowers.... awwwwwwwwwwwww....


And now here I am, 26 years old, thinking about the tulip poplar again and how at 6 years old, I could get that big of a crush and how such an insignificant interaction could mean so much to me... even enough to remember 20 years later!




With my students, I have been asking them whether they think that leaders are born or made. In other words, how much do genetics factor into who you become? One of them had a really great answer, and he pointed out that the smallest things can set you on a different course, and you never know what will influence who you become or where you go.

The smallest things can have the biggest meanings... and conversely what can seem huge really turns out to be insignificant.

What seems like random chance can be life-altering in retrospect... you just do not know.... just another reason why life is cool.

african american friday

Black Friday... the day which marks the beginning of the Christmas shopping season.


ridiculous.


My mom was waiting up for me at 11:30 pm when I got home from work, and we took off to the new outlets in Limerick. Around midnight, we stopped dead about a half mile or so before the entrance to the outlets... the traffic was backed up that far.


Maybe this was not such a great idea.


It took us probably 30 minutes or so to get to the outlet and actually park... and when we parked, we had to park in a construction zone because it was that packed.


Now I admit, there were a lot of good sales. Banana Republic had 40% off of everything in the store. The line there snaked all the way to the back of the store. CRAZY. Ann Taylor had some awesome sales too. Did you know that they actually have a Crocs outlet?!

The people, however, were something else. First of all, there were a ton of teenagers there. What the bleep? Go home! Everyone else there was on a mission. The worst were the middle aged moms. They just had this crazed look in their eyes and would run into you if they had their eye on the next deal. So nuts.

My mom and I got into the car to go home at 4:22 am. On our way, mom saw a Khols and went there which, if possible, was even MORE packed.

I spoke to my brother around 5am... he was doing the office depot and circuit city thing. He got the last desktop at office depot that was on ridiculous sale... and he got the last camera at circuit city for my mom, which was on sale. Yesssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)


All said and done, black friday was a success.... but utterly ridiculous.

I think if you have something specific you want to get and you know there is a sale, then it is worth getting up at the butt crack of dawn to stand in a line in the freezing cold for an hour or so.

But for heaven's sake, go with a plan... do not just go shopping for the fun of it. Its not fun. Definitely not.

Thankful List

• I am thankful that my family is still together and that even though we drive each other crazy, we still enjoy each other's company
• I am thankful for Jon for loving me despite the fact that he knows me completely
• I am thankful to be blessed with faith
• I am thankful for two fantastic jobs which allow me to do what I want, when I want
• I am thankful to best friends, those I talk to often and those who are far away
• I am thankful for living where I do and how beautiful it is
• I am thankful for the chance to see the sun rise every morning, even though it means I am driving to work... its still gorgeous, and it means im still alive!
• I am thankful for Lily, she has the uncanny ability to comfort me when I am down
• I am thankful for reading... it sounds stupid, but literacy rocks!
• I am thankful for my past, the good and the bad... I am thankful for who it has made me become... which I hope, all said and done, is not too terrible
• I am thankful for prayer... that I can pray for others and that probably somewhere out there, someone prays for me once in awhile
• I am thankful for singing!!! And voices!!! And harmony!!! And overtones!!!
• I am thankful for a comfy bed, a warm house, and yummy food
• I am thankful for you.

What are you thankful for?

I cant stop yawning / happy turkey day

It has been a ridiculously busy day.

Let's start with yesterday.

Work was gracious enough to give us a 1/2 day. I met Jon for lunch at Cosi... because apparently Atlanta Bread Co decided to disappear. Well, we ate lunch, and just in time because as we were wrapping up, a bunch of moms with adorable baby asian girls came in... obviously some sort of support group, which I think is really cool because it has got to be difficult to preserve the culture of your adopted child here in the States.

Jon and I parted ways... he went to Shaving Grace to (finally) use a gift certificate that I gave him almost a year ago. He liked the facial. 'nuff said.
I went to Wal-mart to round out Reverb's holiday food donation to Chester County Cares food pantry. After buying stuff, I drove back into WC to drop it all off. They were appreciative, and I liked doing it. :)

We then each drove seperately to Jon's house, where we met up with Michelle, Jason, Gwen, Christian, Tait, Mattea, Theo, Mr, Mrs, and eventually Nanny. It makes me tired just listing it.

Jason and I played boxing on Wii... I kicked his butt, but I have to admit, my arms are freakin SCREAMING today. Its pathetic!!! I am hoping to get back to the gym next semester since I will have a bit more time on my hands... though I just foundo ut I might be able to convince the education dept to let me take another science class instead of another education class. That way, I could take two classes next semester instead of one. We shall see.

Anyway, we kinda hung out there, then went to Giant to get materials for making Alton Brown's turkey brine. We made our way back, started to make the brine, and everyone left for dinner. It was awesome. I was really really really happy that we stayed and did not meet up with everyone for dinner. Jon and I have not gotten a lot of us time recently, and we certainly are not going to over the next few weeks, so it was really nice. And we made the brine.

They got home and the kids got ready for bed. Mattea read us a story about fish (she is an awesome reader at 6) and Jon and Mattea read us all a story about Clifford. It was fun, even though the job of story telling was TOTALLY pawned off onto us by Jon's mom.... she asked the kids, "Wouldn't you like someone special to read you a story?" hint hint. First they were like uncle Jonathan! Then they saw me there and they were like Ericka!!!!! Hmmm... yeah. But its always a blast to do it.

The kids went to bed... and then Jon's mom wanted us to put up curtain rods. At like 10pm. No thanks. Fortunately, his drill was not charged, so we waited on it, and I went home and to bed. I was BEAT!


This morning, I woke up around 9 to the sound of Chris taking a shower and my dad mowing the leaves. Chris told me to make him some bacon. I laughed at him. We went downstairs and chatted for awhile... after which he went back to bed and was still asleep when I left at 11:30! What a freakin bum.

I got over to the Nicols around noon I suppose. Dinner happened at 1:30. The interim was a lot of getting in peoples way in the kitchen, talking to everyone who was there (like 22 people??), and eating cheese and crackers. I also got to play pretend with Tait and Mattea. Tait was a fish and I was a person in a boat and I had to catch him and put him in the boat. Mattea was a dog, and Tait chased her around for awhile. Then Tait "heard the Turkey". Apparently he was saying "I want you, I want you." I asked Tait what the turkey wanted. The turkey wanted fish. Tait went and got the fish and the turkey, and gave me the fish to give to the turkey. Hes so adorable.

And then there was food. And it was glorious, if a bit rushed on my part.

I got ready for work... Mattea was sad that I was leaving. Tait almost started crying, saying that he wanted me and that he would miss me. Really, what girl can resist that? But alas, I had to leave, and so I did...


...and I arrived to one big fubar-ed situation.


The computers went down around 3 am this morning and had been down since because a server blew. Awesome. They had been doing everything by hand all day and around the time I got in, they just started getting it back up. This means resulting EVERYTHING by hand. Fortunately, all the supers had come in, which, although probably ruining their thanksgiving, made it really nice for the second shifters.

However... its 10 pm, and I am JUST NOW caught up. I mean, holy cow. I spent hours going through the pending log and cancelling out duplicate orders and tracking down missing stuff. All said and done, there are still three things that I just cannot find. Whatever. I am leaving it. If it was that big of a deal, the nurses or doctors would call me and be like, where the heck is this result?!


In the meantime... my arms and shoulders are extremely unhappy, made worse by hunching over the computer. :( And I hate that I am not with Jon's family still. Bleh.

To top it all off... my mom wants to go shopping... like, at midnight. The new outlets open at MIDNIGHT for crazy people to buy superfluous stuff! GAH! And I am going to be one of them!



Nevertheless, I have a lot to be thankful for... How bout I make that a different post?

used

I am the type of person who always wants to pull over and help people when they are in an accident. Usually though, by the time I pass it, there are other people there already, and I get convinced that my presence is probably more of a nuisance than a help.

Today though, was an exception.


For some reason, I got it into my head that I start work at 2:30 instead of 3. I do not know why. I know fairly well that 3 is when I start working at the hospital because I absolutely dread it and never feel like I have time to get anything done before going to work.

Yet, there I was hoping out of the shower at 1:15 and thinking, oh my, I have to leave in 15 minutes! The plan was to show up a half hour early to get training on a new system at work.

So I got into my car at 1:30 and started driving to work, aiming to get there at about 2... since, apparently, I was convinced that I actually started work at 2:30. Again, this makes no sense to me but in retrospect.


I am driving along my merry way, veering off on to 100/High St to head into West Chester. As I pull up to the intersection at Boot, I see an old lady trying to push her car off to the side. A quick glance around assures me that strangers are really not all that kind. I look at the clock and think DARN IT I was supposed to get in early! I drive around her, make a right on to Boot, and park off to the side. I run down to the lady and offer help.

Meanwhile, some guy in a truck sees her and has simultaneously asked if she needed help. We look at each other and smile, and proceed to try to figure out what the deal is.



This lady is probably in her late 60s.. make up somewhat of a mess, with too-pink rouge covering her entire cheek. Her hair is brown and in a french braid, which is covered by a round blue felt hat. Her hat matched her felt jacket, which was covering faded overalls. She asks me if I am a nurse. I say no, but that I work in the hospital. She says she thinks she ran out of gas, but she does not have any money to get some.

The guy and I look at each other, he offers to run across the street and ask if they have a can he can use.

We push the car further across the side after explaining several times that we wanted her to get in and turn the wheel. She is almost off the road into a closed Sunoco station.

He leaves, and I am left talking to this woman. She proceeds to tell me that she just got her cat fixed and spent all of her money on that. The vet made a mistake and she had to pay to fix it, which is why she has no money. She then confesses that she has not had a job in awhile, aiding to her lack of funds. She asks me for a cigarette. Excuse me, "smokes", because she is "really jonsing for a puff". I smile and apologize, telling her that I do not smoke. She looks disappointed. I wonder to myself when this guy is going to get back.

I see the guy across the street. He is wearing camo pants and a red USMC shirt. He is filling a little red container with gas. I point this out to the woman and she is excited. She asks me again if I am a nurse. I say no... again. She then asks me what I do. I tell her I work in the labs. She smiles brightly and says, see, then you have a reason for wearing what you are wearing! (Scrubs) I smile and say yes... ...as though I can only wear scrubs if I have a specific purpose. She then tells me that she tried to get all the way into WC on .96 cents worth of gas. She lives in Douglasville, and she thought she could make it. I stare towards the marine, willing him to come back over, because clearly this woman has a few screws loose.

Maybe you cannot tell this from my narrative... It was more the way she said things than what she said. It was her tone of voice and how scatterbrained she seemed. She had bright blue eyes and very pale eye brows and eye lashes, lending to vision of her as a wide-eyed baby doll... it seemed to fit both in looks and brains. Obviously a nice lady and all, but definitely lacking mentally.

He trots back over, fills her tank with a gallon. She remarks that it is nice that they had a tank. He explains that he had to buy it and the guy there was a jerk. She says, oh. He says he was a foreigner and people probably did not treat him too well there. She says, yeah, hes probably one of those Iraqi guys or Iran or something. We exchange a glance. He tells her she can keep it, but she has to go get gas immediately. She says she does not have any money. I tell her let's try to start her car, we will worry about step 2 when we get there.

She tries. It does not start. She tries again, no good. The guy and I look at each other again. He says wow, this has just gone from bad to worse. He pops the hood of his car, looking for the spark plugs because her engine was shaking when she tried turning it on. He is not sure where they are. She is driving a Nissan Sentra... but he has taken shop, so he sort of knows what he is doing. The woman says that is great, "hubba hubba". Oh boy. It was slightly strange, but I admit its impressive when a guy knows what the heck he is doing... regardless of what he is doing. I guess we all lucked out that he stopped. We try several more times to start the car, but to no avail. The battery is close to dead now.

She smokes a cigarette.

What?!

She asked me for one earlier and now she is smoking one so close to me that I actually shy away from her. Again, I think she is a bit batty.

A man drives by and gives me his card. Turns out he owns the tow company that is literally a stone's throw from where we are. I thank him profusely. We tell the woman that her car is not going to start, that we need to push it further off the road, and call a tow. She says again that she has no money. We both tell her not to worry about it, we will figure that out when we have to.

I walk out on to rt 100 and pitifully beg the traffic to stop, which it does. We back up her car first, then the guy and I push it into the parking lot. Uphill, mind you. Do you have any idea what a Nisson Sentra weighs? There is no way I could have done this by myself, and afterwards the marine and I are both huffing and puffing out of breath... at least I feel like I held my own. During this time, we both remark how we could not believe people were just driving by this obviously helpless woman without doing a darned thing. Amazing, really.

We catch our breath.

I call the tow company and they say they will be there shortly. While we are waiting, I call work. It is now about 2:20, and I am going to wait to see what happens, so I thought I would be late. Since if I did work at 2:30, I would be late.

Karen picks up the phone in hematology and is utterly confused by what I am saying. I tell her that bottom line, I might be a bit late, but I will be there.

We go back to waiting for the tow. The woman tells us then that she is deaf and has been going deaf for awhile. She says she feels the vibration of noise. I think back to whether or not she answers when she is not looking at me. I ascertain that she does, because she responded when we were pushing her car and she was steering. The guy and I look at each other. Amazing how much understanding can pass between two people who are thrown into a situation together.

The tow comes and along with it, two guys who are undoubtedly younger than I am. The guy explains the situation. The woman says, what, you cannot start my car? The young guys shrug. She says, what about a jump? We all agree it is worth a try.

The marine guy gets out her cables from the back and pops her hood. Meanwhile, the boys pull the truck around and pop the hood... except.... they cannot seem to figure out how to unlatch it. They look for a minute or so. They are obviously confused. I wonder why they do not have a battery jump like most tow companies. I proceed to tell them where to open their hood. Yep, that is right, I show them where to open the hood of their truck. The marine laughs at them and congratulates me.

They actually manage to jump her car and then we explain emphatically that she must get gas RIGHT NOW. She states again that she has no money to get gas. The marine guy gives her twenty. I give her twenty. I tell her to fill her tank to the brim. She gets in her car and she is crying with gratitude.

The tow truck guys do not charge us anything for the jump. It seemed like they were just glad to have something to do today.

We show her how to get out. I go back to my car and get in and proceed to drive away as I see her pulling into the gas station. I smile at the guy. He smiles back at me, and I wave.


In retrospect, I *probably* should have waited at the gas station to make sure once she got gas, her car actually turned back on. I think the guy did because he was parked over there.

As I got into my car and notice that it is about 2:35. It then strikes me that I actually do not work until 3, and that I had wanted to show up at work at 2:30, not 2, not any earlier or later... and that I must be losing my mind that I thought I started work at 2:30.


After that, I just smiled to myself because I know, in some backwards way, that my lapse of mental acuity resulted in me helping out this lady and that although I may not understand God's ways all the time... He certainly has ways... and the path I am on is the path I am on because I have been guided there by Him.

It is such a blessing to know that not everything is in my control. And yes, I am fully aware that I am a control freak. But I do not have to be, if I know that I can trust God to be in control.

Sometimes I think coincidence is just a fancy term for "destined to be".



So that is my story for today.

I hope next time you get in a jam, someone stops and helps you out. :)

early day

Today we had an in-service at school... overall, it sucked, but the good part was that we got out early.

I spent my extra time by heading out to marsh creek and doing this.

Here is a taste...

frou frou

Right now I am listening to Frou Frou ~ Details and grading cell projects.



Well, okay, I am listening and writing on here.


And I really do not have all that much to say, but listening to this album gives me sort of a funny feeling. Not funny ha-ha, but strange, like revisiting the past.

The weather, first of all, is perfect for it... rainy, cloudy, dark... unseasonably warm. Fitting.


I think the last time I listened to this album the whole way through was when I was on a plane to Florida to visit E. I was sick. It was dark and raining. I was excited to go down, but nervous too. I was also not happy because I never could stay at his apartment when I was there. (That is definitely a whole other story)


The whole album gives me sort of this feeling like I am in a movie. Listening to this, I can see this camera shot which starts from the wing of the plane in flight, moves in towards the window where I am sitting... bundled up, ear phones in, listening to these songs... looking a bit despondent.... wondering what will happen when I get there.


I guess what I am feeling right now is a combination of the way music can make you feel, and the way the past sometimes rushes up against you without reason or warning. And it is okay that that happens, but it is certainly bittersweet.


I dont know, maybe it is just the rain, though I still maintain that my mood is always reflected in the weather.




Back to work.

Thats all I ask of you

I can't help it, I love this song... and it is stuck in my head.

Phantom Of The Opera - All I Ask Of You

No more talk of darkness,
forget these wide-eyed fears;
I'm here, nothing can harm you,
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears;
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you.

Christine
Say you'll love me ev'ry waking moment;
turn my head with talk of summertime.
Say you need me with you now and always;
promise me that all you say is true,
that's all I ask of you.

Raoul
Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light;
you're safe, no one will find you,
your fears are far behind you.

Christine
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night;
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me.

Raoul
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;
let me lead you from you solitude.
Say you need me with you, here beside you,
anywhere you go, let me go too,
that's all I ask of you.

Christine
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.
Say the word and I will follow you.

Together
Share each day with me, each night, each morning.

Christine
Say you love me...

Raoul
You know I do.

Together
Love me, that's all I ask of you.

Anywhere you go let me go too

Love me...
that's all I ask of you.

moving from i to we

Moving from "I" to "we" is a critical step in any relationship... friendship, romantic, or otherwise.

It signifies the union, the understanding, the point where you trust that you have some sort of unspoken bond.

It is a good feeling.




I think the use of "we" in a relationship is a lot like the use of "love"... The definitions definitely change as I mature and grow and am able to use them at a higher level. It is a bit hard to accept at times... the maturation of romance. It is scary, because you cannot be sure that that romance will be as exciting and amazing as the "honeymoon period". Nothing can tell you, either, but going through it.

Jon has a saying on his whiteboard from years ago... It says something like, Never stop dating your wife. A very good thought.... let it mature, let them become your wife or your husband, but keep up the little things, keep the romance, keep the intrigue... just let it be more mature.

There is romance in cooking breakfast together, in planning travel months in advance, in picking out clothes for the day, in stealing each other's body heat on a cold day, just in using the word "we" and never once thinking that "we" would not exist for some reason. There is romance in the assumption that we have plans tonight...

Think back to your earliest relationships, or when you are "just dating" someone... the comfort of "we" is not there... you might do something tonight. You might not. You may have a date for that wedding next summer, but maybe not. Should you buy them something for Christmas? Maybe. Should you buy something for their family on Christmas? Yeah, right!

Of course it is not to say that those maybes are bad... because maybe holds oh-so-much possibility!! It is the thrill of the unknown and the chase. It is butterflies and googly eyes and hope. And that is not bad whatsoever... its wonderful!

But it is not promise, which is what "we" brings... at least, some measure of it.



It makes me smile.

thats poppin

There is this verizon phone commercial that is running on wmmr that drives me positively insane.

It is for their new phone, the "juke".

First of all, it annoys me because it sounds like the girl says "Jew" instead of "Juke" and it confuses me every time.

Second of all, the girl says "Poppin". Like that means something.

Then, the verizon dude proceeds to explain how amazing this phone is while the mom interjects "hip" words like... awesome, sweet...

and finally... poppin.

Gag me. The daughter says, Mom, you cannot say that! The mom then says, Do you want the juke or not? Poppin, poppin, poppin.

The daughter huffily says Fiiiiine.

The mom says to the Verizon dude, Great, we will take two.




There are so many reasons I hate this commercial, it is hard to know what annoys me the most. I think though, that the part that drives me insane is, well, the commercialism. I know that sounds stupid, but I hate that the mom is trying to be cool. And I hate that the daughter is obviously a raging brat. She is probably 13. I am sure she wears Ugg boots. And probably a puffy down vest with fake fur at the top. And too much eye liner. But anyway, she is obviously a brat, and the mom just buys them both phones at the drop of a hat.

Back in my day, when people walked to school up hill both ways in the snow even in the summer, you were not flippant about buying a phone.

Yeah, I know, it is the world we live in. Apparently you can be a brat, rude to your mother on top of it, and she will buy you the newest toy that comes out on the market, regardless of the price.

I do not want to live in that world.



Tonight Graham accompanied me to the mall to look for boots. I hate the mall. I hate it so much I cannot really remember the last time I was in it. But it certainly was NOT on a Sat night, and for good reason. I swear, my children are going to hate my guts because I have NO DESIRE to let them hang out at the mall... ever... or ever let them even think about buying the slutty clothes that proliferate there. Graham saw a girl wearing half of a shirt. In November. To the mall!!! Hello? How old are you, like 14? Is your dad picking you up later? Tell him to bring the rest of your CLOTHING!

I mean, I get it, I do. Spending money is fun. Having new things is fun. But its fun for like, 10 seconds. And then you just want something else that is new and shiny.

As we get closer to Christmas, my mother keeps asking me what I want. I have responded "I don't know, there is nothing I need." She said, and I quote:
"Christmas is not about need, it is about what you really WANT."


You heard it here first folks. Christmas is about wanting stuff irrationally and having your parents buy it for you. Surprise! Maybe we should take Christmas and make it Presentmas or Giftmas instead. Maybe even Whateveryouwantmas. Pfft, sorry Christ, the holiday has not been about you in QUITE awhile.


It is difficult though, to keep that in mind. Why we even celebrate Christmas in the first place. It is not like that was ever a factor in my family. Christmas always was and continues to be a time to buy fun presents. Is that so bad? It is like that for plenty of families, not just my own.

Yet I have to admit, I long for it to be more of a time to be with family, to give each other meaningful sentiments, to sit by the fire, to enjoy the company of those we love. Sure, that happens a bit, do not think us utterly self absorbed and selfish... not at all... but still, I wonder if we have lost sight. Especially when Christmas morning leaves us with 2 or 3 trash bags full of wrapping paper and boxes and packaging.


The unfortunate part is that even though I want this, I LOVE buying people stuff. I really do. I get so excited that I can barely wait.... and I maintain this to be the reason I do not do Christmas shopping until a few days before Christmas. I just cannot contain myself. And although I would like this Christmas to be more of a home-made one, I feel like people almost look down on that sometimes. Like, its not great if its not a lot of money.


Sigh. Maybe I am just getting disillusioned from a stupid Verizon commercial. I do have more faith in the human condition than that.

Wednesday

It has been awhile since writing anything remotely philosophical or thoughtful... mostly because my brain seems to be occupied with stupidity as of late...

So here we go:



Who you are is not really related to what you struggle with.

I guess it really relates to that saying: hate the sin, not the sinner. Its sort of a dumb saying, but it is true, and I think people do not take it seriously enough.

I think so often that we struggle with things and we let them consume us. (That, in and of itself, shows that they are not the same thing by the fact that they CAN consume us) And when our brains cannot stop thinking about whatever it is, we start to think that those things are a part of us, and that they ARE us.

But they aren't. And it is so incredibly hard to remember that.

I think part of the key to conquering our sins and our struggles is to keep in mind that they have no business being in our lives at all... let alone duping ourselves into thinking that they are part of us.




Sigh... today is not a good philosophical day. I am grading, talking online, listening to music, thinking about leaving for class, lamenting the misplacement of my cell phone, and writing this.

I will have to continue it later when I can focus.

crazy dreams

I had some pretty wicked crazy dreams last night.

The first part took place over a week, where every day I went to synagog instead of to church. Apparently wherever I was, it was the only thing I had to do, so I went every morning to the service. And on the last day, there was this guy near to me, and he was asking what my deal was... I considered telling him I was becoming Jewish. But then in my head I was like, silly, you believe in Jesus, you cannot be Jewish. So I did not tell him, and decided that really, I did not want to be Jewish at all, though I liked going there.

The second part of my dream involved me sleeping in this big new house. Ethan was trying to get in to talk to me, but I was half asleep and would not answer the doorbell. So every time he checked and I did not answer, he wrote me a note... until finally he gave up. I went outside of the house, and there were notes everywhere, including the last note, which was folded up into a little square. All I could see of the writing was "It has been well done. Farewell,". I knew it was his hand writing and I felt so sad.

Part three, which somewhat overlapped part two, was me talking to these two girls, but being interrupted every few minutes by REALLY having to pee. And the bathroom was far away from that house (we were locked out of it) and I would walk to this other bathroom. I came back and was feeling so sad over those notes, and I had to pee AGAIN but this time, I could get to this one bathroom that was in a very very tiny room and I could barely fit on the toilet because it was up on some kind of throne really close to the ceiling. I had to go so bad, I was willing to try it out... But I was having a REALLY hard time controlling myself. And I think we will just leave off there...

I woke up feeling rather sad, but a dream is a dream, what can you really do about it?





That dream topped off what was a rather long week. Halloween felt like a Friday. So did Thursday, for that matter... and by the time Friday actually rolled around, I was beat. I slept about 12 hours last night, and I think I needed it pretty badly.

Here is a recap of the week:

Monday I had class and afterwards went directly over to Jons house. I think we got Applebees for dinner and I proceeded to get extremely sick afterwards. Sigh. Jon took good care of me though and played with my hair for a really long time. I sincerely believe nothing can be more blissful than having your hair played with.

Tuesday after school I went to Grahams and played around with his recording equipment while he was reading for class. I recorded a harmony to a song he wrote, but I have to redo it because it is not exactly what I want. It was fun, but I made him go away while I was doing it. I get really shy singing in front of small groups. :(

Wednesday was Halloween. I dressed up as a child. I wore footie pjs to school and brought Tigger with me. I was comfy all day and my supervisor was like, "So, you came to school as you would like to come every day?" Shrug. Well, yes. Obviously.
After school I had class yet again, where the dumbest thing happened....

My teacher comes in and makes a few remarks about "tricks and treats" and proceeds to hand out a paper. On it are 3 problems. He tells us that he is leaving, but we are supposed to stay until 5:15 (we start at 4) and work on these problems as a class. He says if we choose to leave, that is what we choose to do, but to finish the problems and bring them on Monday.

He leaves.

We then look at each other as a class and are like, what the heck? Amazingly, the majority of the class decides to stick it out and work on this together. We start through the first problem and it goes okay. We get to the second problem, and things start to get messed up and a bit chaotic.

Me, being a control freak and a teacher, cannot stand this, so I basically took charge of the class and we started working through the problems on the board. Time flies when you are having fun!

So then when class is almost over, we realize that we (as a class) made a fundamental assumption error, and in reality, you cannot do these problems at all. The whole class is frustrated. I then suggest that we write our names down on a paper stating that we could not finish the problems because the data is flawed, and sorry, it was a no go.

Basically, as a class, we wasted over an hour of our time on something that cannot be solved. Grrr.

Yet, it was great to be in front of students. Majority of those students are undergrads... like 20 and 21 yrs old. So I did feel like I was really teaching, in a sense... and it made me miss even more being in front of "real" kids. I think I am a pretty darn good cyber teacher... but I think with my personality, I work better in front of a classroom. Soon enough, I suppose.


On Wednesday I also scheduled classes for spring semester. Turns out I need three more classes.... and those three classes all happen to be offered AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. Just my luck. So it looks like, if the scheduling works out, that I will have to pack two classes in for the first summer session... which will suck... but then at least I will be finished my classwork and I can get my stupid masters. I was hoping to get it before next year so that I could make the pay increase. We shall see.

After class on Wednesday, Jon came over and we gave out candy to the kids. We watched tv and had grilled cheese. It was a lot of fun. :) Neither of us dressed up, but it was good to have the time together, especially with my parents out for the night. :)

Thursday was a long day. After school I went with Graham to the outlets to be his personal fashion consultant. He got a lot of stuff, even some stuff he was adamantly against until he actually tried it on! I love dressing people up. I have gone with Josh to the outlets a number of times, so I am pretty good at it now, I think. We got dinner at Cracker Barrel and I got home around 8... I crashed at 9 and slept pretty hardcore until the early morning, where I had a dream it was light out and that I missed my alarm and so I had a hard time getting that last hour of sleep.

Finally, to Friday... Jon and Josh came over and we went out and got sandwiches and rented Knocked Up. We basically just chilled and watched that. Josh went home and after that, Jon and I fell asleep on the couch. Actually, I do not know if Jon slept. He said I was snoring, which leads me to believe that perhaps he did not sleep.... :) Oops.

I slept about 12 hours. It was awesome...




And now for today, who knows. Jon wants me to come over and help paint, but i have to run some errands first. And Lily just jumped up and laid down across my legs.... so obviously I cannot leave yet! ;)

Welcome to November.