AHH

Well, that was not fun.

It is currently not fun either.



It is 11:52, I got home from work about 15 minutes ago. Worked sucked. First of all, I came into work, and I went into Chemistry, which I have not done in quite awhile. I like Chemistry. For some reason, it just usually ends up being that I am not in there... so tonight I claimed it. I put on ALL of the controls (bec1, bec3, utoxn, utoxl, ecs2, ecs3, hcg1, card1, bnp1, alc1, alc2, alc3) and proceeded to start about my night.

Around 1530, Adam walks in. Now, I like Adam, I have no problems with Adam. But Adam sheepishly tells me that he spoke with Terry (my supervisor) and because he is not checked off in Micro (he has been working at cch for months now) he needs to work in either Heme or Chem and he spoke to the girl in Heme (why didn't he speak to me?) and she did not want to go into Micro so.....

Now I pretty much hate doing Micro on the weekends. Not only is it stressful to be in there because of the Micro supervisor micro (ha!) analyzing everything you do.... but you have to answer the tube system.

So I say to Adam "I hate Micro" and then proceed to tell him that if that is the way it is, that is the way it is, and I will go over there.

I walk into micro and find Claire. Claire is 80. I applaud her for continuing to work and for doing a pretty good job of it.... but usually around 2:30 she stops receiving specimens.

At this point, it is about 3:45. So for about an hour and 15 minutes, specimens (including stats from the ER) have been piling up in the bin. Claire also takes awhile to wrap up her work, and we both need the same space to do our respective duties. So anyway, she puttered around finishing paperwork and stuff, while I attacked the mound of stuff.

Then I started getting positive blood cultures. And a giant bottle of pleural fluid. And about 10 million urines. And more blood cultures.

I put so many blood cultures on the instrument tonight that there was no room left for any more when I went home.

I spilled pee.

Twice.

Fortunately Terry helped me out a lot by reading all of my slides... something im not "checked off" on anyway, and prefer to leave it that way.

Oh, and my neck is messed up. I have been sleeping on NONE my pillow for a week now. And I have to be very careful not to move my head too quickly lest I throw it out completely.

Then I talked to Jon and I guess he is staying in the city tonight. I was hoping that if him and Mike were around here I could meet up with them and forget about my night, but no.



So now I am home. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights is on. I think one of my dreams is to dance like that with someone. I wish I did not live in a culture where dancing was all about getting on someone and grinding up against them. Not that that isn't fun...

My brother is planning on moving to Cinci. Bud, with his 90 yr old wisdom, asked Chris if he danced. He said sometimes. Bud suggested that once he was out there, he could join a ymca or go to some dances to meet girls. That is, of course, what him and Nan used to do for fun and to meet friends. they square danced for years.

Id love for things to be like that.

Maybe it is out there somewhere.

I think that would be a great way for me to stop feeling so incredibly stressed out.
It would be nice to dance.

maine

Wal-king in the woods...

Batter Up!

Jason masters the art of dancing and playing frisbee at the same time.

Best picture of Tait ever. Check out that drool!

Mattea ala "Amelie"

"Ah, that is better"

So there are some pictures from Maine... Hope you like em. :)

Thank you Bruce Willis

I would like to give a heart-felt thanks to Bruce Willis, who starred in my dream last night.

In my dream, I was flying to Chicago with a group of students to go on a trip which had a secret iternerary. But for some reason, the plane had open-air seating which sort of looked like hammocks. Well, I got twisted up in mine and was basically hanging off of the bottom, pretty close to falling... And then Bruce came along.

He swung down to me, almost monkey-bar style, and was trying to help me get back into my seat... when the whole thing broke loose. We spiraled into free-fall, him holding the strip of cloth that was my seat, me holding on to him. I told him that he should try holding the strip like a parachute, which he did.... and we were able to glide to safety.

At the end, I thought to myself that I should call my mom because I was surely all over the news.

After that, there were fragments of scenes with me and bruce, except I was a little girl of maybe 8 or10.

In the first scene, Bruce was in a freezer... he had been hypnotized that he should be in there... and I came in (I saw this third person) and yelled at him to sort of snap out of it. Apparently some people wanted us both dead, and this was part of it.

The next scene was more painful. The people who wanted us dead had found us, and they were searching for this sort of mirror thing.... But it was broken up into shards and implanted in our skin. It was magnetic too, so if you passed a magnet over our hands, these shards would poke up.... the people got most of the shards, but Bruce had the final shard. We escaped from them because of scene 3...

Which had a hula hoop, tigers, and a bunch of slick black cars.

Basically we were in this hut, me, Bruce, one of the bad people, Bruce's sister... and then a tiger came in. It was hungry. Bruce and I started throwing hula hoops at it to deter it. We ran outside and the bad guy was scared and got into his car... I was trying to get into mine, but the tiger had me cornered. Bruce distracted it for me so that I could get in... and the tiger jumped on the roof of the bad guys car.... Some sort of chase scene ensued.

Then I woke up.



But overall, Bruce Willis saved my life multiple times in this dream, and I saved his a few too, so I guess we are even.

Lightening!

Its about 10:45, I am watching the end of tonight's episode of Top Chef. MAN, do I LOVE this show!

Today was a fairly decent day, I suppose... but again, time was running short.

I spent the majority of the day creating a brochure for my grad class, of which the final project is tomorrow. We are presenting a "Green Schools Forum" - a bit intimidating since it is open to the public and on our first night (tonight) there were about 50 people there. Yikes!

So, I went off to class at night and attended the first day of the forum. We had delicious local organic food.... I am SO glad I found out that I like hummus. Mmmmm.... local organic strawberries, cherries, and blackberries were a great side dish. Delish!

As much as this class has been difficult, it has been really eye-opening. We have talked so much about food, and now I am much more interested in going local and organic... its just so yummy. Plus I found out that I like beets. Like fresh from the ground beets... that canned stuff SUCKS. Fresh is the way to go.

Anyway, after class I drove out to LM to rehersal at Allison's. I got to teach more of No Diggity / Wonderwall, which is going really well. It is pulling together and I am so freakin pumped about it. I really need to spend some time in my music though, I have some memorization to do. We have July yet though, so I am sure I will have it all down by our concert on Aug 2nd. (Come on out!)

After THAT I was supposed to hang out with Paige and Jenny and Jenn at Quizzo.... but then Jenny backed out for some reason... and Jenn was eating dinner with Aaron... and Paige did not want to sit there by herself for 20 minutes since no one could get there in time.... so then we (me, Paige, Jenn, and Aaron) were to meet at DQ, but DQ closed as Jenn and Aaron were pulling up to it, then Brian called with some bad family news, so all the plans were ditched anyway. I just came home and had my own ice cream. :)

It has been storming like crazy, lots of lightening and thunder, which is great... and I am hungry again. I think more hummus is in order. mmmmmm.... organic rules.

travels and travails

Well, June is basically flying by for me. Since school has let out, I have been incredibly busy... surprisingly busy, actually, because I really thought summer was going to be slower than the school year.

It hasnt been.


Jon and I left for Maine on Friday morning and arrived in York after an 8 hour ride. The weather upon arrival was stunning - low 70's, blue skies, light breeze, and lushly green. We settled in at Grammie's for dinner with his family. Afterwards, we went back to his sister and brother in laws house in NH, about 20 minutes away. Oh, I forgot... before dinner, we made a quick trip to Rite Aid to pick up a foam collar thingie because I did a number on my neck. It was BAD. But I wore the stupid collar for the rest of the night, then used a heating pad every night after that and now I am almost back to normal.

Sat was the family reunion. His mom's grandmother (grammie) has 2 sisters left, so it was a gathering of all of the seperate families of the sisters. We tried to figure out some relations (second cousin removed??) but quickly gave up and basically huddled with Jon's cousins and brothers and sisters. We had lots of good food, but the day was a bit cooler and overcast. No rain though! People also played frisbee... then baseball with Tait.

Baseball with Tait is really cute because at 2 years old, he has a fairly good notion of what to do at first... he knows how to stand, he knows how to swing, and he often hits the ball. He knows to throw the bat over his shoulder when he HAS hit it.... but after that.... he just kind of runs around in a circle (or squiggly line a la "Family Circus") and slides into home plate (a frisbee). It is really cute, especially to see him huffing and puffing around.

Since I could not participate in the sports, Mattea decided to do my hair. Lovely. I am pretty sure I left most of it in Maine, actually. My hair, that is.

That night we went back to his aunt and uncles palacial house to have a small birthday party for his other uncle. Most of us were pretty beat by then and we sort of sat around zoning. We ended up playing trivial pursuit, but with two large teams, there was not a lot of play back and forth. His cousin drove us back and we basically passed out.

On Sunday we went to Grammie's church. It was pretty good. The pastor is fairly young, though the congregation is pretty old. They have a real sense of community there, being a small church, and I really enjoyed it. The weather was also just wonderful... Nothing like a clear blue sky to make you stop and breathe.

We went to lunch at the Goldenrod, which is where Jon worked the summer we broke up and he lived in Maine. It was cool for him to reminisce and see people that he worked with then. I pictured him working there and it made me smile... though at the same time, I hate knowing there are so many things I do not know about him.

After lunch we went for a hike with the kids, Jons dad, and his brother in law. The kids got a lot of mosquito bites, but I fortunately did not. I think they do not like my perfume! The hike was a gentle one, and it was a really nice day to get outside into the woods. Both kids did a great job!

That night we went to the Ice House for dinner... where the prices are reasonable, the food is good, and the attitude is ridiculous. Oh, and everything is fried. Everything.

After dinner we went to see J & M's new house. Then to pick up Jon's car. Then back to G & C's house. They went to bed because they were, naturally, exhausted... and as a thank you for letting us stay there, we cleaned. And let me just tell you how badly it was needed! Eek!

On Monday we left around 10 or 10:30 and got back home to my place in time for dinner. The ride was not terrible, though I admit I slept for about an hour and a half. Jon drove us the whole time since I do not know stick, and we plan to take my car next time we go (in a few weeks) to ease the burden a bit. We went back to Jon's house and stayed there that night. We did not do much because I was working on a project, and he just relaxed and watched tv. We went to bed around 11, but I slept pretty poorly, alternating between hot and cold. I barely heard Jon get up and leave for work. I got up around 8:30, showered, worked on my project more, then left for a nutritionist appointment.

Yesterday was another busy day between the doc, then working on this stupid project, then class, then work after that. Bleh.


I finally got a really good nights sleep last night, and today it is off to the races. I need to finish the project, finish arranging with Josh, go to class, go to rehersal, and hopefully see Paige since she is up this week!




Oh, and I am hungry. So I guess I should not be writing in my blog... I ought to go do those things.


In July I SWEAR it will not be as busy!

how much stays, how much goes away

The real question is how much of you there is when you are constantly giving little pieces of yourself away?

Some Christian beliefs seem to tout the idea of "guarding your heart".

What does that mean, exactly?

Some take it in the sense that you should not date anyone until you think you are going to get married.

Some mean it in a purely sexual way - no kissing, no nothing until marriage.

Others would tell you to merely be careful.



I do not really take an extremist view of gaurding your heart, but I think the idea is important. I think it is something people should, well, take to heart.

I myself have not been so great at gaurding my heart, but I debate as to whether I would really change it if I could... or if I would even change it now.

In the past, I have been open with people, yet distant. I have no problem telling people about what is going on in my life, IF they choose to ask. If they dont, I usually do not volunteer. But if they do, I can convey factual information with little to no emotional response behind it. Its being open, but not.

Because I have been so closed to people I know, I have been incredibly open in relationships. My boyfriend is the one I can actually show my emotions to... cry in front of... be angry, or be sad, or be whatever... just be myself. It has led to some high tension moments... and ive thrown myself pretty whole-heartedly into loving said boyfriend. I cant imagine not being completely open with someone when im in a relationship.

I have been fortunate enough to be in long term relationships... and the ones that did not work out, indeed turned out to be those guys in my life that I could not bare all to.



But... back to the whole gaurding your heart thing... I have not been so good at it in relationships. And I have not wanted to be. But part of the leading philosophy of gaurding your heart is that when you are open with yourself with people, you give parts of yourself away that are meant to be saved.

I guess the best way to explain it would be like a puzzle. You start giving small pieces (or large pieces) away and you are left with an incomplete picture.

Is this true? Could this be?


I freely admit to making many mistakes in the past. And I will make more in the future. There are things I wish I would not have done. But I did, and I cannot change that. I hate that people I love have done things that I would rather they would not have.

Yet... it does not leave them as less of a person. I think in some ways it makes them more whole. They have learned, they have grown, they have changed.


Plus I feel like the more I give of myself (to the people I love, to my students, to whatever), the more I have to give. It just bubbles up. I think I cannot love Jon more, then I find that I do. (If you can quantify that sort of thing!) I think I am at the end of my rope with my students, but then I find another way to explain things to them, another way to reach out to them.



This post is not really about me, and I hope that is clear. I just wanted to mull over the idea of guarding your heart and what it means and whether I am less of a person as a result of my failure to be careful. Am I? I dont feel less.

And even if I DID feel less, could I really honestly close myself off? I doubt it.

What joy is there in the sunshine if you never have the rain to compare it to?

What is the point of having this wonderful ability to love and form relationships with people if you do not use it as much as you can?



So go be a slut.



Okay I am totally kidding. Save your sexual stuff for the people you really honestly love, the people you are with for a long time, the people who really love you.

But I think to be open to that love... that is the key, and that is also the hard part.


Bleh. It is late. I am rambling. I think you get the point. If you figure it out, let me know, I might have missed it somewhere along the way.

father's day weekend

Definitely of the most-excellent kind... this weekend was really good.


On Friday I spend the afternoon with Josh, Caitlin, and Armin arranging music and being fairly dorky. It was good to see them as they are in Project Blue, not Project Orange like yours truly. Truely? Truley? I can never spell that for some reason. It always looks wrong.


Anyway, happy news: I finished No Diggity / Wonderwall... and I am really pleased with it. For my first real arrangement, it is not too shabby. I hope that everyone is planning on attending the concert in August. Don't worry, I will post more details as we get closer. :)


Friday night was wonderful - finally some quality time with Jon! We are two pretty busy people, me especially. Last weekend he had his friends down, so we did not really get to spend time together....

So Friday night was sort of our night. His parents and his brother and sister were out, so we got his house to ourselves. We got Chinese food, hung out, etc. It was nice because we did not watch tv or rent a movie... we did not play video games, or distract ourselves in any way. It was just us spending time together, sorely needed! It was a really great night. :)


On Sat I had to go to graduation for palcs. I had a slight dilema in the morning as I realized that most of my dresses are like WHOA BREASTS. So I settled on a skirt and shirt. Anyway, I had to be out at the school at 10:30, which meant leaving at 9:30, which meant getting up at 8:30, which was really really hard after staying at Jons til 1, I think? I made it though.

Graduation was okay... it was inside, so it was not hot, which was nice. We had to wear graduation robes with hoods and a mortar board... very annoying. Other than that, the food was good. The company was even okay. :P I pal-ed around with Graham and Chris most of the day, which is always amusing.

After graduation, I drove to Jons brother in laws mothers house for dinner. Yep. Jons parents and his brother and sister were there. It was nice to spend time with them, though apparently tensions were high. I was mostly oblivious and only given privvy to matters as we were leaving. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

Jon and I went back to my house, then we went to get Fathers Day cards, and then back to his house... where I styaed late. Okay, yeah, I fell asleep til 2:30 in the morning. :) But what better snuggle company?


Sunday was Father's Day... yet another busy one. I was too sleepy to go to church. I met Jon over at his house for Fathers Day brunch with his family. I spent some time playing with the kids, which was fun. They are at a good age. :) I went back to my house, where uncle Andy and Tom dropped off Nan and Bud. Jim and Maureen came for dinner... leg of lamb! mmmm. Jon met us for dinner, and after that we both went back to his house for Project rehersal. We had quite an audience... but it was a lot of fun.


Anyway, that was the weekend. It was great. :)

EEK!

Well....

Looks like I just got the go-ahead for China! OH MY GOODNESS!

So what does this mean? It means I get to spend the month of October in China learning and living and teaching!

It makes me really really really nervous, but excited too. And very nervous. Did I mention nervous?



Awhile ago, I was praying about it, and I was like ya know God, if you give me the chance to go, I will go, because how could I pass up the opportunity? And if You do not want me to go, then just make it not happen.

I just got the email from the coordinator who said she got a "Yes" yesterday. WHOA!


It means I have to think about a lot of things... grad school, for example. I am scheduled to take 2 classes in the fall, but I am not sure they will want me to be gone for a whole month. I have to think about getting those awful terrible shots again... and consider how my health will be affected by living there again. The last thing I need is to get as sick as I did before!

And of course I dont want to be away from Jon for that long. I can barely handle a few days, but a whole month! Ugh! I can do it, I am sure, but it will be hard to leave on this adventure without him, even though I know I have his support.


4 weeks is not an incredibly long time, and as long as I can keep healthy, I think I can do it. Yikes!





And in other news, last night I had a dream that I was a seagull and Jon was a pelican. But we looked human. We flapped our arms and we could fly... and we did. It was awesome.

sick again

I have been awake now for 6 hours.

In that time, I have eaten a granola bar and an english muffin.
I have watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the half hour cartoons Aladdin and The Little Mermaid. I also watched some other tv.
I finished my grading for my students and answered schoolmail.


Other than that, ive been sitting on my butt and feeling awful.

Last week I had a scratchy throat after our three concerts... then Wednesday morning it hit like a ton of bricks... I sore scratchy ashy throat. On Thursday it was worse, with the addition of these strange ulcers and a fever. Friday was no picnic, feeling exhausted on top of those things, but the ulcers went away. Sat I thought I was feeling better, but at work I was dragging. Yesterday I felt like poo and my fever was going strong, giving me hot and cold flashes.

Today I decided to stay home from school and try to feel better... but on top of all of these things, I got my period. Wonderful. Just peachy.



The GOOD news is that these nutritional supplement things seem to be working... I still dont feel great, but I definitely feel better than I usually do during that time of the month. I guess I will keep it up and see if things keep improving. It is a happy step, even though I basically want to fall asleep and stay that way until I feel better. :(

I have also been pretty emotional this weekend, which I never like. Jon was busy most of the weekend with Chris Arg, Nick, and James... with some guest appearances by Katie and Josh. I certainly do not begrudge him the boy time, and I am glad they were all able to get together. But I miss him, and I need some taking care of. :(


My dad has decided to go to the shore for the next few days (YAY!) which means the house is pretty empty. It has been nice though, to have some time to myself without the family around.


Speaking of which... I am not sure exactly how the apt hunt is going.... I have appointments to see a few here and there. Who knows what will turn up! I just hope it is something. I think I will need to just drive around and see who has signs out and start calling them. I was hoping craigslist would work better, but so far nothing has really struck my fancy.


Anyway, that is about all that is new for me. Oh! I have also pretty much wrapped up the arrangement of No Diggity / Wonderwall that I have been working on. Project is a blast so far. My student's last day was Friday, so I have finished my grading... All in all, pretty good.

School is over Wednesday.... and I cannot TELL you how much I am looking forward to that. And sleep. Definitely very excited about sleep.

oreos = delicious + evil

So I was sitting here thinking about what to do since it is 8:30 at night and I am not quite ready to go to bed seeing as the sun is still up and I am 26 yrs old and the last time I went to bed this early I was like 10....

And I realized I have not written anything in my blog for awhile.

First, an update of recent events...


This weekend marked PAPAs second concert series. I personally felt it sucked, and I will tell you why!

Our scope was too wide... we just had too many songs... so none of the songs we did were particularly amazing. Our director kept reminding us to get our heads out of our music... but how could we when we barely knew the songs?! If he had shortened the concert by even just 2 songs, we would have improved drastically. The concert was about an hour and a half with a 15 minute intermission. That is an hour and 15 minutes of music to learn in 4 months, at 4 rehersals a month. That is 16 rehersals. In other words, not a lot.

Not only was the song selection to broad.... but it was too narrow.

What?!

Yes, that is right, it was also too narrow... every... single... song... was... slooooooooooowwww.

I kid you not when I say that I yawned through all 3 concerts. And not because I did not get enough sleep. The songs we did were beautifully slow... but... still slow. And boring. Did I not mention that yet? Totally boring.

Do not get me wrong, there were some incredible moments with gorgeous harmonies and overtones... but for the most part, if I thought that is the kind of stuff a choir usually did, I would make sure to save my 10 bucks and go to the movies instead.


So, we had a concert on Friday... afterwards Jon and Nick and I came back here to find my parents mysteriously missing. Naturally, if they are not home on a Friday night watching a movie from on demand, I assume the worse. I called my mom and she did not answer. I called my brother, he too did not answer. I finally called my dad.... turns out mom and dad were at the new casino in Chester. Lovely!

It was great though because Nick, Jon, and I just hung out and ended up watching... oh poop... I totally cannot rememeber the name... there is too much noise in the house right now and I cannot think of it. It was about zombies. I know you know what it is. Yeah. It was amusing.

On Sat I dropped some serious cash at Old Navy for summer clothing. I have a lot of things to get rid of, so it was justified. Dont ask me how much though.

Then the concert at night. woo.

Then Jon and I went out with our married friends to TGIFridays and got appetizers. Yummy parmesean crusted quesadillas...

...which made me ridiculously sick the next day.

On Sunday I spent the morning relaxing and chilling and then went to the concert. Afterwards Jon and I made dinner at his place (broccoli, cous cous, honey mustard grilled chicken mmm) and then after that I proceeded to make use of the facilities. Multiple times.

We then drove to LM for our first Project Philly rehersal... at which I also used the facilities multiple times. Ugh.

Rehersal was GREAT though, it was so fun to see the "old heads" and to get my a cappella on... I am just super excited. I think our group is going to be laid back and rock out at the same time. I am extremely thrilled at the progress of the song I am arranging... that is, a mash up of No Diggity and Wonderwall. I did not make the mash up, but I am definitely converting it to a cappella form. (Play on playah, play on playah)

In fact, I am so excited that people are going to be singing something that I put to paper, I am not all that concerned with nabbing a solo this summer. I mean, yes, I would love to have one, but most of the girlie songs we are doing do not seem to fit my voice. I will just have to rely on the satisfaction that comes with arranging a kickin song.

I hope to finish the arrangement this week, if I have the time, at work.



Speaking of work.... yeah baby last week of school! I am officially done on Wednesday of next week, but my kids are done on Friday. It has been a lot busier than I thought it would have been... mostly because my dept head called me a slacker, and I have since taken on the initiative to create a Biology handbook and talk with the other life science teachers about how biology should be taught. It has been fun, and I think I have done a good job with it. I hope my dept head will know after this that I am perfectly capable of taking on and executing my own small projects... I just dont like to INITIATE stuff. I find it stupid to work in a dept of go getters. The problem with everyone starting these programs is that invariably, there are too many things to get done at once, and then they are all done poorly, or some fall through the cracks. Why add another thing to the plate when I could instead use my talents to carry out something which has already been initiated? It makes sense to me, dont you think?


Aside from that keeping me busy, I have also been going to my grad class, a workshop on environmental education. It has been enlightening. I am going to be researching energy and other resources at my school and creating a proposal to make it more "green". It is an interesting concept and hopefully the ideas I generate can be used wherever I end up living.


And on THAT end, I went to see a place today and the dude who lives there was not there to show it to me. Trust me, it was awkward.... instead, the roomie who is moving out was there, and he was sooooo strange. Yeah. So I dunno, it is an option, at least.


Other stuff that is going on...

Jon and I are going to Maine at the end of the month for his family reunion and we made relatively solid plans to go back up at the endof July and stay a few days with Jason and Michelle and go see the new addition to Gwen and Christian's house. It should be fun, and I am definitely looking forward to the time. Maybe we will even get to relax! :)



So this has been incredibly long, but that is the basic update. I am sure as grad school progresses you will start to see some environmental living missives in here. :)