I suppose I feel like I can write about this because I think anyone who actually reads my blog already knows...
We are pregnant!
Okay, not really... I am pregnant, he is just taking care of my sick sad self. Even that is not fully true, at least not anymore. I hit 11 weeks today, so here is a general summary of the past few months...
"It" (and no, I do not feel badly referring to it as It because that is what It is as far as I know) was conceived on November 18th. I know this because I am incredibly impatient and I hate getting my period. So, after 3 months of just seeing what will happen, I decided to use those fun pee-on ovulation tests. Not that I would be unaware of my ovulation otherwise. The stabbing knives in my ovaries are usually a pretty good indication of supreme fertility.
The funny part to me, which might be a little TMI, is that neither Jon nor I were actually in the mood. He had been away for work and was fighting a cold. I was tired on account of poor sleep and general blahness that signifies the start of the true winter season. But we went for it anyway. I can honestly say this baby was planned for and tried for and was conceived in love and hope (and all the rest of that bs).
On November 28th (or was it 27th?), I took a pregnancy test, just to see. I knew my period should be coming soon, but I had been feeling mind-numbingly tired and alternately hyper.
After peeing on the stick and setting it on the counter, I remember thinking to myself, "You know, you are only going to get pregnant when you truly let go." And then I did. And then I looked down and saw a faint double line. Holy cow.
At that point, my heart nearly jumped out of my body it was beating so hard. I walked downstairs to Jon and put his hand on my neck. I asked him if he could feel my heart and he asked if I was okay. I said, "I think we might be pregnant." I am pretty sure he just looked at me. I took him upstairs and showed him the "weak positive" (thanks medical tech training!) and seeing that, I really had no doubt. I figured if it stuck, the line would get stronger over the week due to the influx of HCG and we would go from there.
The first order of business was sleeping. Which was nearly impossible, because we were both kind of freaked out.
Years ago I made my peace with the fact that I simply might never be able to have a child. My endometriosis was diagnosed in 2006 and who knows how it has grown in the past 5 years. Despite my attempts to stave it off with Lupron and birth control, who really knew? I can say this though - I fully believe that the gluten-free dairy-free diet I was on for the past year helped tremendously. No, I was not super strict on it, but I worked hard at it, and I have to give it some credit.
For about another week or so, I felt good. Still tired, but certainly not sick or anything.
And then it hit.
Starting towards the beginning of December, I started feeling sick. I was not throwing up, but it honestly felt like I had my period. I was nauseated all day every day. All food, especially veggies and meats, made me turn up my nose. I was trying to drink more water (eat for one, drink for two, as my doc told me), my mouth not only tasted like metal (still does) but it was watering CONSTANTLY. I was getting waves of cramping and nausea that were worse. I attribute the cramping mostly to the changes in my uterus... as it grows and reshapes, all of my scar tissue has to break up. The nausea... well, as long as I kept eating, it was okay, but I could not eat too much.
And oh, the exhaustion!
I have never felt so tired in my life, and it was completely different from "didn't get enough sleep" tired or even "low iron" tired. I would sleep 10 to 12 hours a night and still have to drag my butt out of bed and was yawning all day.
We went to Maine for Christmas, a decision that was probably not the best one, in retrospect. It was hard. I was feeling sick and my tolerance for chaos was low low low, so it was really hard for me to be around so much family -especially so many yelling running bouncing children. I am glad we got to see everyone, but it was still really rough on me and I felt like I did not get much rest over the break. :(
I think the hardest part about feeling so icky is that it is very easy to have doubts. Can I handle this? What if my body just completely gives up? Is the baby okay? Am I supposed to feel this hellish? What if I cannot make it to the end? Is this really what I want?
That kind of long-term sick feeling really saps your positivity. As much as I wanted to be excited about the pregnancy, I sort of just wanted it to go away too. It is hard to be thrilled when you can barely think straight you are so tired and ill.
However, I do have good news to report: I have finally turned the corner. Starting last week (just shy of 10 weeks), I woke up one morning and just felt better. And it has stuck! This week I am mostly devoid of nausea (YAY!!!) and feeling more energized. I am getting up like 2 or 3 times a night to pee, and on top of it randomly waking up for about a half hour to 45 minutes in the wee hours of the morning... but I am feeling so so so much better.
Now... the fun stuff.
We ended up telling Jon's parents on Christmas Eve eve. They had to leave for Maine early, so we got together for a late dinner and presents. We had gotten a really cheap stocking at the dollar store and wrote "baby n" on it. Jon's mom opened it first and her whole face lit up and she gasped as her mouth formed an "o". She passed it to my father-in-law, who pretty much had the same reaction. They were thrilled! I got hugs first, but they were happy for Jon too. :) It was a relief to be honest about how cruddy I was feeling because I had been trying to hide it for so long.
The next night, we told my parents. We got luminary candles and bags and cut out "we're pregnant" into the bags. We told my family we had a surprise for them and set up the bags at the bottom of their property. They were sort of smushed together in one area so that it could be read. My brother said later that he wondered why we had done such a cruddy job of spacing them out. :) My mom was really excited about the luminaries because we have talked for years about doing them, but every time it is windy or rainy or weathering in some way. This Christmas Eve was perfect! Cold, calm, and clear.
As we walked down to check them out, all three of them started to realize something was written on the bags. My mom, however, caught on first. She shrieked. Then she jumped up and down and hugged me and started bawling and laughing and there was even a little peeing involved, she was so excited. Of course, this made me laugh and cry as well. She kept saying Really?! Really?!?! My brother caught on next and gave Jon a huge hug and picked him up in the air. My dad FINALLY figured it out. He said he thought it said something about elephants. He picked Jon up as well. :) My family was just so excited - it was really really cool. My mom was shocked because it happened so fast an she was not expecting it. My dad was excited in his own understated way. My brother cannot wait to be an uncle. It was a neat experience.
During our visit to Maine, we had family pictures taken, so we waited until we were getting a picture of the siblings. Jon's mom said, "Oh, if only we had something to say that would make us all smile." So Jon was like, okay, everyone say "Jon and Ericka are pregnant!" And they DID, but it took a few seconds to catch on. They all sort of did that mental double take like, wait, what? What?! They were all quite happy for us, though it is hard in some ways too. My older sister in law really enjoyed pregnancy and would probably love to have another kid, but they are done. My younger sister in law had a lot of fertility issues so although they have 3 kids now, I know it hits home a bit that it was so "easy" for us. But they really are thrilled, especially for Jon, because he is going to be a great dad.
I will have to write more later about exciting things....
We are pregnant!
Okay, not really... I am pregnant, he is just taking care of my sick sad self. Even that is not fully true, at least not anymore. I hit 11 weeks today, so here is a general summary of the past few months...
"It" (and no, I do not feel badly referring to it as It because that is what It is as far as I know) was conceived on November 18th. I know this because I am incredibly impatient and I hate getting my period. So, after 3 months of just seeing what will happen, I decided to use those fun pee-on ovulation tests. Not that I would be unaware of my ovulation otherwise. The stabbing knives in my ovaries are usually a pretty good indication of supreme fertility.
The funny part to me, which might be a little TMI, is that neither Jon nor I were actually in the mood. He had been away for work and was fighting a cold. I was tired on account of poor sleep and general blahness that signifies the start of the true winter season. But we went for it anyway. I can honestly say this baby was planned for and tried for and was conceived in love and hope (and all the rest of that bs).
On November 28th (or was it 27th?), I took a pregnancy test, just to see. I knew my period should be coming soon, but I had been feeling mind-numbingly tired and alternately hyper.
After peeing on the stick and setting it on the counter, I remember thinking to myself, "You know, you are only going to get pregnant when you truly let go." And then I did. And then I looked down and saw a faint double line. Holy cow.
At that point, my heart nearly jumped out of my body it was beating so hard. I walked downstairs to Jon and put his hand on my neck. I asked him if he could feel my heart and he asked if I was okay. I said, "I think we might be pregnant." I am pretty sure he just looked at me. I took him upstairs and showed him the "weak positive" (thanks medical tech training!) and seeing that, I really had no doubt. I figured if it stuck, the line would get stronger over the week due to the influx of HCG and we would go from there.
The first order of business was sleeping. Which was nearly impossible, because we were both kind of freaked out.
Years ago I made my peace with the fact that I simply might never be able to have a child. My endometriosis was diagnosed in 2006 and who knows how it has grown in the past 5 years. Despite my attempts to stave it off with Lupron and birth control, who really knew? I can say this though - I fully believe that the gluten-free dairy-free diet I was on for the past year helped tremendously. No, I was not super strict on it, but I worked hard at it, and I have to give it some credit.
For about another week or so, I felt good. Still tired, but certainly not sick or anything.
And then it hit.
Starting towards the beginning of December, I started feeling sick. I was not throwing up, but it honestly felt like I had my period. I was nauseated all day every day. All food, especially veggies and meats, made me turn up my nose. I was trying to drink more water (eat for one, drink for two, as my doc told me), my mouth not only tasted like metal (still does) but it was watering CONSTANTLY. I was getting waves of cramping and nausea that were worse. I attribute the cramping mostly to the changes in my uterus... as it grows and reshapes, all of my scar tissue has to break up. The nausea... well, as long as I kept eating, it was okay, but I could not eat too much.
And oh, the exhaustion!
I have never felt so tired in my life, and it was completely different from "didn't get enough sleep" tired or even "low iron" tired. I would sleep 10 to 12 hours a night and still have to drag my butt out of bed and was yawning all day.
We went to Maine for Christmas, a decision that was probably not the best one, in retrospect. It was hard. I was feeling sick and my tolerance for chaos was low low low, so it was really hard for me to be around so much family -especially so many yelling running bouncing children. I am glad we got to see everyone, but it was still really rough on me and I felt like I did not get much rest over the break. :(
I think the hardest part about feeling so icky is that it is very easy to have doubts. Can I handle this? What if my body just completely gives up? Is the baby okay? Am I supposed to feel this hellish? What if I cannot make it to the end? Is this really what I want?
That kind of long-term sick feeling really saps your positivity. As much as I wanted to be excited about the pregnancy, I sort of just wanted it to go away too. It is hard to be thrilled when you can barely think straight you are so tired and ill.
However, I do have good news to report: I have finally turned the corner. Starting last week (just shy of 10 weeks), I woke up one morning and just felt better. And it has stuck! This week I am mostly devoid of nausea (YAY!!!) and feeling more energized. I am getting up like 2 or 3 times a night to pee, and on top of it randomly waking up for about a half hour to 45 minutes in the wee hours of the morning... but I am feeling so so so much better.
Now... the fun stuff.
We ended up telling Jon's parents on Christmas Eve eve. They had to leave for Maine early, so we got together for a late dinner and presents. We had gotten a really cheap stocking at the dollar store and wrote "baby n" on it. Jon's mom opened it first and her whole face lit up and she gasped as her mouth formed an "o". She passed it to my father-in-law, who pretty much had the same reaction. They were thrilled! I got hugs first, but they were happy for Jon too. :) It was a relief to be honest about how cruddy I was feeling because I had been trying to hide it for so long.
The next night, we told my parents. We got luminary candles and bags and cut out "we're pregnant" into the bags. We told my family we had a surprise for them and set up the bags at the bottom of their property. They were sort of smushed together in one area so that it could be read. My brother said later that he wondered why we had done such a cruddy job of spacing them out. :) My mom was really excited about the luminaries because we have talked for years about doing them, but every time it is windy or rainy or weathering in some way. This Christmas Eve was perfect! Cold, calm, and clear.
As we walked down to check them out, all three of them started to realize something was written on the bags. My mom, however, caught on first. She shrieked. Then she jumped up and down and hugged me and started bawling and laughing and there was even a little peeing involved, she was so excited. Of course, this made me laugh and cry as well. She kept saying Really?! Really?!?! My brother caught on next and gave Jon a huge hug and picked him up in the air. My dad FINALLY figured it out. He said he thought it said something about elephants. He picked Jon up as well. :) My family was just so excited - it was really really cool. My mom was shocked because it happened so fast an she was not expecting it. My dad was excited in his own understated way. My brother cannot wait to be an uncle. It was a neat experience.
During our visit to Maine, we had family pictures taken, so we waited until we were getting a picture of the siblings. Jon's mom said, "Oh, if only we had something to say that would make us all smile." So Jon was like, okay, everyone say "Jon and Ericka are pregnant!" And they DID, but it took a few seconds to catch on. They all sort of did that mental double take like, wait, what? What?! They were all quite happy for us, though it is hard in some ways too. My older sister in law really enjoyed pregnancy and would probably love to have another kid, but they are done. My younger sister in law had a lot of fertility issues so although they have 3 kids now, I know it hits home a bit that it was so "easy" for us. But they really are thrilled, especially for Jon, because he is going to be a great dad.
I will have to write more later about exciting things....
posted by FireWithin at 8:32 AM
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