Not just Pregnant, but SuperPregnant
I don't know about the rest of you out there, but I am not used to be stared at. I am not a supermodel. I do not have any major disfigurements. I am of average weight and height and hair color. I dress with little to no personal style and I prefer earth tones. Aside from a high degree of albedo (aka "reflectiveness", for those you without a dictionary at hand), there is nothing all that remarkable or stand-out about me.
But now I get looked at - stared at - everywhere I go.
It is natural, of course, and it does not actually bother me... it is more just really really strange. I do not blame them. I am 5 ft 4 and all baby. Although I know I have put on some weight in the chest area, I am willing to bet that 90% of the 32 pounds I have put on so far is basically tacked on to my stomach. My breasts (which are probably now a D?) are dwarfed by what is going on right below them.
Many women coo over this.
"It is like you swallowed a basketball!"
"You cannot even tell you are pregnant from behind!"
"You are carrying so high!"
"You look so adorable!"
It is strange, and I wonder if I ever did that to anyone. I mean, it is somewhat amazing, because what they say is true (except maybe the adorable part), and I recognize that I look kind-of absurd because my proportions are all out of whack. Due to the diabetes, I am even bigger, because I am retaining a lot of fluid in my uterus. Humpty-Dumpty, I feel your pain.
Also, I realized, that any pregnant women nearing her due date in the middle of summer is absolutely freaking insane to be outside anywhere. You just don't see them looking like me - smart women stay home resting in air conditioning and they get someone else to go buy them nursing bras at Target and an anal thermometer at Babies R Us.
Right now, for example, it is supposed to be 89 degrees F with about 50% humidity. "Real feel" temperature is 92. I want to murder when I step outside. I feel like a mangy feral cat, "Don't you even f-ing look at me the wrong way or I will scratch your face off." If I were to show you my belly, you can actually see how hot I am - it is bright red all of the time. (Note to Self: aim to wrap up next pregnancy mid-February)
Now, I am fortunately more in control of my emotions than that - at least, externally. Trust me though, it is all hissing and yowling on the inside when I catch your jaw drop at the sight of my ginormous belly. Like I said, I do not blame you though, and I will not hold it against you. I am sure I have done the same double-take in the past.
I think the oddest thing to me is that while I will catch glimpses from women, men just out-and-out gape, turning their heads to watch me walk past. Of course, women are naturally much more discreet and certainly most of them have probably have had the very same experience. But men just stare and it is not one of those things where you feel attractive and beautiful because some guy is noticing you. I am half tempted to stop and ask just what exactly are they thinking about! It is probably somewhere along the lines of, "Whoa, that chick is knocked up."
This week I started getting some horizontal stretch marks up near my belly button. Not amused. Not amused at all. I don't care about the ones way down low. I don't care about the ones on my breasts. No one sees those anyway. But REALLY body?! By my belly button? I might be 31, but I intend to wear a bikini for as long as decency allows!!! I had I really nice stomach, and although I fully believe that sacrificing your body is a small price to pay for the ability to bring life into the world, I would like to still feel somewhat attractive after this is all said and done.
My husband assures me that he finds me (and will always find me) beautiful, and I believe him, because he is wonderful like that. HOWEVER, I would prefer my belly not to look like an ant farm once it deflates. I know, I have to keep perspective, and this is selfish, and I am just complaining, but is it too much to ask? Genetically, we (that is, my family) are a people prone to scars, moles, and acne. Couldn't we leave stretch marks off the list?
Well, we will see how it all goes.
He is dropping, which is a welcome relief to my diaphragm and lungs, though my hemorrhoids and girly parts are not appreciating the change of pace. I am walking much slower. I am sleeping less (btw, if anyone needs a description of what 5 am looks like, I can help you, because I see it every morning). Tomorrow I get another check up to see if I am dilating more and stuff. Not too long now, and then parenthood. Which I am sure will be a whole other type of pain. :)
Oh, and public breastfeeding. More staring! Yay!
But now I get looked at - stared at - everywhere I go.
It is natural, of course, and it does not actually bother me... it is more just really really strange. I do not blame them. I am 5 ft 4 and all baby. Although I know I have put on some weight in the chest area, I am willing to bet that 90% of the 32 pounds I have put on so far is basically tacked on to my stomach. My breasts (which are probably now a D?) are dwarfed by what is going on right below them.
Many women coo over this.
"It is like you swallowed a basketball!"
"You cannot even tell you are pregnant from behind!"
"You are carrying so high!"
"You look so adorable!"
It is strange, and I wonder if I ever did that to anyone. I mean, it is somewhat amazing, because what they say is true (except maybe the adorable part), and I recognize that I look kind-of absurd because my proportions are all out of whack. Due to the diabetes, I am even bigger, because I am retaining a lot of fluid in my uterus. Humpty-Dumpty, I feel your pain.
Also, I realized, that any pregnant women nearing her due date in the middle of summer is absolutely freaking insane to be outside anywhere. You just don't see them looking like me - smart women stay home resting in air conditioning and they get someone else to go buy them nursing bras at Target and an anal thermometer at Babies R Us.
Right now, for example, it is supposed to be 89 degrees F with about 50% humidity. "Real feel" temperature is 92. I want to murder when I step outside. I feel like a mangy feral cat, "Don't you even f-ing look at me the wrong way or I will scratch your face off." If I were to show you my belly, you can actually see how hot I am - it is bright red all of the time. (Note to Self: aim to wrap up next pregnancy mid-February)
Now, I am fortunately more in control of my emotions than that - at least, externally. Trust me though, it is all hissing and yowling on the inside when I catch your jaw drop at the sight of my ginormous belly. Like I said, I do not blame you though, and I will not hold it against you. I am sure I have done the same double-take in the past.
I think the oddest thing to me is that while I will catch glimpses from women, men just out-and-out gape, turning their heads to watch me walk past. Of course, women are naturally much more discreet and certainly most of them have probably have had the very same experience. But men just stare and it is not one of those things where you feel attractive and beautiful because some guy is noticing you. I am half tempted to stop and ask just what exactly are they thinking about! It is probably somewhere along the lines of, "Whoa, that chick is knocked up."
This week I started getting some horizontal stretch marks up near my belly button. Not amused. Not amused at all. I don't care about the ones way down low. I don't care about the ones on my breasts. No one sees those anyway. But REALLY body?! By my belly button? I might be 31, but I intend to wear a bikini for as long as decency allows!!! I had I really nice stomach, and although I fully believe that sacrificing your body is a small price to pay for the ability to bring life into the world, I would like to still feel somewhat attractive after this is all said and done.
My husband assures me that he finds me (and will always find me) beautiful, and I believe him, because he is wonderful like that. HOWEVER, I would prefer my belly not to look like an ant farm once it deflates. I know, I have to keep perspective, and this is selfish, and I am just complaining, but is it too much to ask? Genetically, we (that is, my family) are a people prone to scars, moles, and acne. Couldn't we leave stretch marks off the list?
Well, we will see how it all goes.
He is dropping, which is a welcome relief to my diaphragm and lungs, though my hemorrhoids and girly parts are not appreciating the change of pace. I am walking much slower. I am sleeping less (btw, if anyone needs a description of what 5 am looks like, I can help you, because I see it every morning). Tomorrow I get another check up to see if I am dilating more and stuff. Not too long now, and then parenthood. Which I am sure will be a whole other type of pain. :)
Oh, and public breastfeeding. More staring! Yay!
posted by FireWithin at 6:17 PM
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