A Philadelphia Love Affair

I was in Philly for the NSTA conference from Wednesday evening through the morning on Sat. Since the time I lived in center city, I have not had the opportunity to spend that much time in Philadelphia. Though we might come in to visit friends, get cheesesteaks, or get engaged... :) ...most of the time my visits have a very specific purpose and I have not had the freedom to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.

I missed it.

As much as I adore the seasons and love the woods and trees and lakes and mountains and nature, I thoroughly enjoyed living in the city. I love that my legs are screaming because I walked miles and miles over the past few days. I love the architecture. I love the fresh foods available every day. I love the variety of people. I love the variety of detail and beauty that can be found in Philly. Though I cannot say I would be a city-dweller all of my life, I could easily and happily move out of borderline-amish country and back into town.

The conference was a much bigger deal than I really expected. Although I knew the NSTA was a very large and powerful organization, I had no idea it would be SO HUGE. Basically there are two main parts: the exhibition hall (like a craft show... of SCIENCE SUPPLIES! EEK!), and the lectures. At any given time, from 8 am to 6 pm, there were at least 20 different lectures happening in the convention center, marriott, loews, and sheraton. You could pick and choose what you wanted to go to... or you could go to none of them at all. It was all up to you.

Some highlights:

- 4 tote bags (large tote bags) of free swag.... posters, BOOKS (like FULL textbooks!), lab supplies, protozoa (9 species... all alive... all probably cooking quite nicely in my car), informational packets, lesson plans, lab goggles, a simple microscope.... it was enough that I had to ask the very nice bellhop at the hotel to help me get all my junk to my car today when I left

- I got my picture will Bill Nye. Yes, the science guy.

- I went to a lot of lectures that actually revitalized my will to teach..... in a brick and mortar. Hmm.

- I have a few ideas for some other interesting career paths

The girls and I had a great time. In fact, I left the three of them down there because some of us have other jobs to go to. I was sad to leave, and although I had a great time at the conference, the better part was the free time to walk around the city with a base of operations close at hand.

On Thursday night, we went to dinner at the Italian Bistro (which is one of my favs, just ignore the mice...) and then walked down to the Kimmel center and over to Rittenhouse Square and back to the hotel. 65 degree weather and Philly at night.... wonderful. Everyone was out and about, enjoying the warm weather.

On Friday, I went to some lectures in the morning, grabbed lunch, then decided to take my swag back to the hotel because it was HEAVY and I needed a mental break. I grabbed my camera and got incredibly distracted on the way home. I walked down to Rittenhouse, over to Kimmel, back up Broad to City Hall... in an hour and a half. Needless to say, I made good use of my camera. I met up with Yassara and we went back to the hotel, dropped off her stuff, then went up to the Franklin Insitute, making a trip into the Cathedral of St Peter & Paul on the way. What a gorgeous chuch - I could do some serious damage in there if I had a tripod. And if I wasnt cursing my shutter clicking away. Definitely a downside to a dSLR. Once I scared away the 3 people in the huge church who were praying, it went a bit easier.

Being downtown brought back a lot of memories, both bitter and sweet.

I remember walking to work in the morning from my apartment. It was about half a mile. It was the best in the spring... still a bit brisk, but a nice warm sun, people walking to their own jobs, and everything felt good

I remember walking to the reading terminal market for fresh meats and veggies and fruits. It is no wonder that I gained a ton of weight while I was there! Thank goodness that is gone!

I remember running down to Penn's Landing, sitting and looking out at the admittedly dirty water, feeling peaceful.

I remember feeling like the world was at my fingertips, and that it was just up to me to decide where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do.

I remember Lily as a little tiny kitten and how excited she was when I would come home

and of course...

I remember feeling like I was not sure who I was anymore. I remember being incredibly sad that I could not share it with Jon. I remember hating myself. I remember having nightmares and being afraid and lonely. I remember feeling like I lost myself and not knowing when I would find me again.

It was like I was in a great place environmentally, and a terrible dark place personally. A bitter sweet time for sure.

This weekend definitely brought that back. One of my friends asked me on Friday what was wrong with me, that I seemed blah. And I think it must have been those memories and feelings coming over me. I was drinking everything in... partially because I felt so empty then. The past few days have been good for me because they have really forced me to reflect on how things have changed. It was 2003 when I moved back home. It is now 2010. It is cliche, but it feels like yesterday. I think it is important to feel that time so near because it helps me keep perspective when I am down or blah. It also helps me with teaching because a lot of my kids feel that way every day, and it is good to remember that.

So my time the past few days have been really wonderful. I have gotten to take myself on my own photo-assignment, which was great. I did a lot of walking, got a lot of sun. I ate a LOT of good food (fresh mango/orange/guava juice, fresh banana/stawberry/kiwi smoothies, sopressata and geno with sharp cheddar roasted peppers and olive tapenade on foccacia, fresh mozz with olive tapenade and basil and marinated tomatoes on sarcone rolls, chinese tea, chicken tempura maki rolls with cucumber and avocado and roe.... I could go on.... oh, could I go on...). The best part of it all though was just hanging out with my friends. I am lucky that the friends I have made at work are actually more friends that I happen to work with as well. We had a really great time.

Next year: San Franscisco. BRING IT!

rain

It has been a really rainy day.... but overall, a really nice March. It actually seems to be full of babies, which is a good thing for the parents, I suppose.

Jon and I have been trying to figure out the whole "family" thing... when to start, and whatnot. It is not exactly the easiest decision for us because there are several factors playing into it.

1) Lupron. Since I ended the drugs in late Oct, I had to give my body time to get back on track. Usually, it takes the body about 2 months before you have a period. Well, if you have been reading this blog, then you know already I did not get it again til late January (3 months). My second one I only got this past week. So that took another 6-7 weeks. Anyway, more conservative estimates say that you should give yourself 6 months for the drugs totally get out of your system before getting pregnant... which means April-May. We sort of thought summer sounded appropriate.

2) Endometriosis. When I had my laparoscopy a few years ago, my endo was mostly on the outside of my uterus. Recently, I found out that this could mean pain when I first get pregnant since the scars need to stretch and break. Anyway, though the scarring was not inside, that does not necessarily mean it is not inside now. Scarring on the ovaries or in the fallopian tubes can make it really hard for my eggs to get to the right place. More scars = less fertility. And honestly, we just don't know. The longer we wait, the more of a gamble it is, the more difficult (or impossible) it might be.

3) Jobs / Timing. To time it best for my FMLA leave from school, its best to have a kid around March/April so that I can take off the last bit of school and then have the whole summer with the kid. However, both of us want new jobs... so.... we have to consider when to do that in respect to having (and being able to pay for) a kid.

4) Travel. I want to travel. Jon is willing to be dragged along with my whims, it seems. This summer we are too busy with Project Philly to have the time to go away. Plus, we decided we really want to go to Australia. And make it AWESOME. So if we want to do that, we need to have time to plan, and we need to have the money to pay for it and the ability to take a few weeks off.


Ultimately, we have decided the following...

We are going to take the gamble and wait to have a kid. We are going to try to plan a trip to Australia for next summer, and get pregnant after that. In the meantime, we will both be looking for jobs. I feel a bit hesitant about this... just because before the travel thing came up, I was sort of mentally getting myself ready to try for a family. Yet, with everyone around us having kids... when I hold them, I do not really feel maternal and I think, ugh, do you have to hold babies constantly!? Which sort of shows me I am really not all that mentally ready for that kind of change.

And so, I think this decision is a smart one for us. We can take the next year to figure out our jobs... save up money... plan a freakin awesome trip... and spend a bit more time just being married and having fun.

I admit - I am really scared by the possibility that my endo may come back en force or I may be scarred up enough that having a child will be impossible. I am fully open to adoption, and I have forever felt like maybe I would adopt no matter what my ability level was... It is scary though, the thought that one year could change everything. I have to trust that our kids are out there somewhere, whether genetically ours or not. I know we will have a family some day... and taking the time to live life a bit might seem a bit selfish, but I think it will put us in a more stable position for that family some day.

Plus there is no way I am toting babies across Australia. :)