what did I do? seriously. part deux.

So because it was still upsetting me that all this occured yesterday, I finally broke down and asked one of my co-workers about it. She was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! And then she said... yeah, hes pretty much done that to everyone.

So apparently hes the one with the issue not me. He has been spoken to by that admin here in the lab and they have told him he needs to get some kind of control. The guy works literally every day and has one weekend off a month. While I myself have done this, and i would do it to support my family like he is... obviously hes a bit stressed, perhaps?

Anyway, this isnt a solo incident and my co worker recommended letting it go... but if I feel I need to say something, then do it. She also said to not expect an apology. My issue is this: while I like to think that im pretty easy-going and flexible, I feel totally awkward around him now. Like, I dont want to just forget it ever happened, cuz it scared me. My co-worker said that she sat down with this guy and told him that when he gets like that (hes lashed out several times at her, practically split personality almost) she is afraid hes going to hit her. And thats how it felt.

Now... everyones assured her (and so has he, for that matter) that he would never hit her... I dont know, its just creepy, and knowing that about someone.... that they could flip on you for no reason... doesnt exactly make me all warm and fuzzy towards them. I dont deserve to be spoken to like that... and I DO deserve an apology.

I am trying to figure out how I can be "the bigger person" in all of this... but I dont know if there is a way to do it. If I had done something wrong, I could apologize... but I have no intentions of apologize for something I didnt do just to make ammends. I am afraid that if i sit down and talk with him, I am going to end up getting upset... and I hate when I cant control my tears. I dont know...

I guess I am just gonna let it blow past, but let my further interactions with him be even more remote than they have been. While I do believe hes a nice guy, if he cant control himself, and he lashes out at the people around him... well, I dont want to be around him. I would prefer to not have people like that in my life. Its just creepy, we will leave it at that, and if he approaches me about it, fine, and if he doesnt, we are at least on civil terms.

what did I do? seriously.

So a co-worker decided to blow up at me... and I honestly have NO idea what I did wrong.

Backstory:
He is married with 2 young kids, about mid 30s, has been working here as long as me. He is continually extremely sarcastic with me. He deadpans pretty well, and uses it to continually berate me and mock me. For example, if I am looking down, he will saw aww, do you need a hug? I could call someone for you. He always calls me a slacker and says that people at work dont like me. He tries to get me to talk smack on other people we work with (which I dont, cuz I like everyone) and is always saying something about me being a bad lab tech. He says all this with a smile. And he lies a lot. He will just totally make something up to get me to believe it and then start smiling. Its been like this for months, especially since i quit school and started working at the hospital more.

Over time, I have become more resistant, basically never believing anything he says. Often I say something sarcastic back or I mock him a little bit. But seriously, the guy seeks me out just to say something mean or make fun of me.


So today I came in, did all of his controls for him because he comes in a half hour later than me, and no one else was in heme... I usually do that, regardless of who is in there. it just so happened to be him. So thats all well and go. I go about my business. i was floating so I was going back and forth between labs to whomever needed my help the most.

I walk back into chemistry, where the person has just left, and he tells me that he just reported a high glucose to a doctor that called but he wasnt sure if it was the right one. This is information that I honestly dont need to know. I look at him, say, okay, I dont know if it was the right one or not, I dont know where the person in chemistry went.

So then he says "Why do you always have to be such an asshole? I am getting really fucking tired of your sarcastic comments all the time! I am serious."

WHAT DID I DO?! Honestly, I was completely speechless. No one, NO ONE, has ever spoken to me like that. Yesterday he was all "You still love me right? No, really, its okay to tell me you love me, I know you do". (to which I said sure, whatever you say) And then today he comes in and hes like, I am seeing you way too much. To which I said, well, I saw you yesterday, but I didnt work on thursday, friday, sat, or sunday... so its been quite awhile really since I saw you.


I DONT GET IT.

So now hes avoiding me, and he hasnt spoken to me all night, and I am not going to try to make nice. Am I wrong in being completely bewildered by this? I know that I can be sarcastic, but given the way he has treated me, its the way I respond to him, and I though it was in jest. I mean, did I do anything today to warrent such an outburst? It really honestly makes me very upset, and I almost cried a few times thinking about it... and ive been thinking about it all night. Hes never blown up like that at me, though I think he has once or twice with some other lab techs that are, admittedly, difficult to work with. What in the world did I do?

Anyway, I am pretty freaked out and im trying to be angry upset, not crying upset... I have no desire to "be friends"... you just dont treat people that way. Ive blown up at one person like that in my whole life, and she deserved it for what she did to me. But... wtf?! I dont know, what do you think? Its driving me crazy... and im working with him all week. im just freaked out and dont know what to make of it all cuz I honestly was completely suprised and taken aback by him yelling at me.

:(

what a week.

Its Memorial Day... the past week has been somewhat hectic and strange. My birthday was on Friday, I am officially "old". I guess 25 seems like a real adult. I remember feeling like 25 was so old and so far away when I was younger. But here it is... and im still in somewhat of a limbo.

Current studies suggest that adolescense is being extended into the 20s. I tend to agree... not only from seeing the men around me, but from my own experience. I always sort of considered myself a late bloomer... I definitely grew another 2 or 3 inches in college, and sometimes I contend that I am still getting taller, though I admit its mostly a lie to my short self. I got my period a little later than my peers (14, I think? And that one goes out to you, Chris A!) and I most definitely got curves later than my friends. Its so strange to think that physically, adolescense/adulthood is getting younger (I think I would cry if my daughter got her period at 8 or 9... thats 2nd or 3rd grade, people) but mental adolescense is extending further and further. Back in "the day", kids would start marrying and having families (and the responsibilities that come with families) when they were in their teens. Most 28 year olds have a hard time comprehending marriage now!!

So while I was a physical late bloomer... I have often thought of myself as being a little bit more mentally mature than the majority of my peers growing up. Who was I kidding though? Here I have watched in the past two years several of my good friends getting married, to realize that they are so much more mature than I am... I am not ready for marriage! I dont know what it takes to be a wife! Overall, that leads me to think that perhaps I am in some suspended state of adolescense. Mental maturity, naturally, is not a cut and dry thing... and I realize that perhaps I am mentally mature in some ways and not so much in others. I have to give myself a little credit, I dont want to totally demolish who I am or anything... But i look to my friends who have picked up a ball and chain and im so proud of them for taking the leap. It seems like marriage, in some ways, is that jump off the pier of childhood into the abyss of adulthood. I am envious, sometimes, because I know I am not ready yet, and I wish I was. But you cant force emotional maturity.... you just have to live and grow.

Although most of my former students liked to think that they would move out and be on their own after graduating from high school, the reality is that most kids, even after college, simply cannot afford to be on their own. With good jobs in short supply, few of us have the capital to be an economical adult... I know for certain that I dont have the dinero. I desperately want to move out, but to live in Chester County is expensive... and I have no one to live with. So here I am extending adolescense even longer, staying at home. That, perhaps, is the most frustrating of all things... being beyond ready to be out (and have been for perhaps 3 years) and not having the cash to do it. Its my own fault, perhaps, being a slacker and valuing time to relax and sleep and hang out with friends over a full time 9 to 5 job. i dont know, I dont think I am cut out for that kind of stuff. I think I did the right thing staying at home while I was at Ren. acad.... otherwise I wouldnt have been able to get the heck out of there when I needed to. but it would have been awesome to have my own place again. I definitely miss it. At this point, almost all of my friends are out on their own, though everyone who is "out" is living with someone else, be it significant other or friend. Maybe I just waited too long and I shouldve done it when I had the chance and then just made it work afterwards.

To be honest, I dont know where this post is going, or why I started writing it. I guess a lot of things have been on my mind this week. I sort of have a mental list of things to do... and its nice to get it out...
1. find teaching job
2. move out of my house
3. if no teaching job, find a job, any job, that will allow me to move out
4. get masters (probably in education, I know thats not really exciting or even difficult, but its something)
5. decide what is important to me

Maybe its no. 5 thats really, um, "getting my goat" this week. I am really not sure whats important to me right now... i know I have been putting my life in the right direction... working out, trying to have a real sleep schedule, being more careful about my body and what im putting into it... I really really really need to get off that f-ing birth control, cuz its really messing me up in more ways than one... But overall, I dont know where my loyalties lay (lie?) and what I want for my future. I would muse more, but its hard to do that and be honest when I know who reads this. (no offense intended, really, its just to spare unnecessary anxiety)

its 10 pm almost... and im listening to Delilah at work.... and for some reason the channel keeps sort of switching between it and some other soft rock channel. sigh. story of my life.


If you noticed, I put a counter down at the bottom of this blog... I know it kind of looks pathetic right now.... but I was curious if anyone besides Ethan and Chris A read this... I wont know its YOU if you read it... it just counts (duh, Ericka, way to be captain obvious) and thats all I really get to see. it might give me your ip address, but its not like I know your ip addresses. I am nerdy, but not THAT nerdy. So I dunno... maybe you could boost my ego and check it several times a day... or read it in parts over the day... make me feel like someone cares about whats going on in my life. :P Not that theres all that much up. But... ya know. I am sure you get it.




Enough.

random things

1. my birthday is in two days... and (aside from the awesome trip to 6 flags) its one of the first birthdays in a long time that I am actually looking forward to. maybe my expectations are lower? I dunno. going to get a bite to eat and seeing X Men 3 sounds like a great way to spend my 25th birthday
2. I just got my first ticket last night. I really thought I was going to make it to 25 with a spotless record. Ive only ever been "involved" with the police one other time... and thats something I am not going to tell you about. So really, I got my first one last night, at 11:45pm. I was driving down Font towards my house and rolled a stop sign literally 2 mins away from home. Note: I rolled it. I did not blow it. I did not run through it without so much as a pause... I slowed down, but the car did not come to a complete full 3 second stop. sigh. But due to my nervousness and spotless record, he just gave me a fine ($109!!!) and no real citation or points on my liscense. So THATS good. But I was still kinda bummed. Lots of people completely blow the sign... it was late at night, very obviously no cars were there... he was hiding down a street with his lights off, I might mention. So yes. Cherry popped.
3. I bit a HUGE chunk out of my cheek yesterday and have bitten it a good 5 or 6 times since then. and I mean like a real chunk. it bled lots. and now its all goofy and swollen so I keep biting it. and when I am not biting it, I am rubbing it with my tongue... cuz for some reason, when you have a cut or whatever in your mouth and it hurts, you keep touching it anyway.... and I know everyone does that. its not just me. i hope.
4. I turned into Leslie. I am busy practically every day until I come back from China... rehersals for both Project Philly (which reminds me of Project Runway, just less fashionable or stressful) and China start in June... so its gonna be a lot of fun until I get back.
5. 3 people at work have cancer. One has had recurring breast cancer for years and it finally metastasized a few months ago. One has had cancer for 3 years, but did not know it, because the pathologists MISSED IT on her original biopsy 3 years ago, thinking it was benign. All of a sudden it cropped up again, but this time its worse. She has surgery today to take her an ovary, a lymph node, and her uterus... they think its level 4 leomyeloid leukemia. Her chances of recovery are extremely thin, esp if they confirm that dx. Shes only 36. The third has breast cancer found out on her very first mammogram at 40. They are doing a lumpectomy and removing a lymph node. as long as its not in the lymph node, she only has to radiation treatments, not chemo. Pray for them.
6. I am looking for a teaching job... its annoying. but I am trying. My plan is to get a full time teaching job, if I can. If I cant, i plan to sub, and possibly go back to taking classes for my masters in education. Whatever it takes to move out of my house, I plan on doing in the fall.
7. Praxis in June to get certified for general science (k to 12!) and the GREs in July right when I come back from China to look forward to.

I think thats about all the news for now folks... back to microbiology work.

cool thing of the day

phototaxis:
the light induced movement of a cell or multiple cells. can be positive - towards light... or negative - away from light.


Why this is cool:
We know that we are alive, and we know that animals are alive, and for the most part we recognize plants are alive... but its the movement and growth of plants that really remind us of this fact.


Why I was thinking of it:
I have an angel plant in the bathroom which requires low light... but I have set it in the window. All of the leaves were turned towards the window... so I turned it around. In a few days, the leaves will be turned towards the window again, and I will have to turn it again. this allows for better growth of the plant and it wont be leaned over to one side.



It really IS cool, if you think about it. Growing things always go towards the light... they go towards what they need to grow and to live... and its just another example of our relationship with faith and religion. Well, it is for me, at least. It might not be for you, of course, and thats okay too.

urincicles

shocking, here I am at work on a wednesday night...

the real sadness is that the finale of Top Chef is on Bravo tonight and I wont get to watch it. I am very dismayed at this cuz its actually a pretty cool show and I was looking forward to finding out who won.

anyway... I am getting really excited for China... I cant WAIT to go, its gonna be awesome, and I already have all the shirts I am going to pack cuz I am planning on throwing them away once I have worn them or giving them away to someone, somewhere.

I signed up for the General Science praxis so that I can teach, what else?, general science. I also signed up for the GREs in July right after I come back from china. h opefully my clock will have adjusted enough to give me a clear head for it.

My mom and I went to Topper's Spa yesterday... I had a facial (no snickering please) and my mom treated me to a massage. The massage dude was interesting... total ex hippie and half native american... we started out the massage with an in-depth discussion of his recent prostate problems. Honestly, I didnt mind, but it made me laugh that THATS what we were talking about. Nice warm bed, cozy sheets, relaxing music, a scented candle, lotion... and this guy with a feather earring talking to me about this burning urination over Easter. All that aside, it was a great massage and he was pretty cool. Nothin like being naked with a stranger who is rubbing you down. :P The facial was pretty sweet too... I could get used to treatment like that a few times a year. She warned me that I might break out over the next few days cuz everything kinda comes to the surface once you get a facial... but then it should look pretty good in about a week or so. We will see. I dont know if I believe her yet... though, I do believe her about the breakouts... sigh.

In other news, my mom has off work this week and its been awesome. I love having my mom home. It reminds me of watching The Price Is Right when I was like 10 and she was cleaning the house on a Sat. Its really cool when shes there and its been nice to spend time with her.

My birthday is coming up in a little over a week... plans are being made to go see X Men 3, so if you want to go, please please email Ethan asap bc hes kinda getting it together. Its a shame if you have to plan your own birthday celebration. sigh. But it would be really really cool to have people come out and I hope that you choose to come. If you dont know his email, you can check his blog... the link is to the right. :)


So things are pretty good... and extraordinarily busy. But thats how I like to keep things so that I dont get bored.


Back to work.

Until we meet again... ;)

incongruencies

I thought of this on my drive to work... I popped in a piece of gum, teaberry flavored (my favorite), which Josh thinks tastes like toothpaste. But hes wrong. And then I thought of how strange it is to think of Josh chewing gum... cuz I rarely have seen him do it. And then I thought of Josh and sneakers... cuz hes almost always wearing his brown shoes. And every time he wears sneakers im like wow, josh is wearing sneakers. So I realized that gum and sneakers are very incongruous to Josh. So I thought I would try to think of some more things that seem to not fit when I think of people wearing them...

• Nancy and leather halter tops or anything really hoochie
• Paige with a tutu
• Jenny dressed as big bird
• Leslie in goth
• Jenn with dredlocks
• Ethan as a skater boy with tats and a tongue piercing
• Tim and fuscia polo shirts
• Brian in a speedo
• Matt as a true metrosexual with a tight ribbed turtleneck
• Aaron ala clown
• Jon wearing old fashioned rollerskates and bellbottoms

Sorry the list is so short... im sure I could find something for everyone I know, but that would take quite awhile. Keep in mind that I am not saying that all of these fashions would look BAD, just that it would be crazy. If any of you ever want to wear any of these things, I would be happy to witness. :)

broken chair

Well I am at work. Shocking, I know... And my legs are jammed in between the seat and the bench I am sitting at because the chair is broken and I cant lower it at all. I dont know who was sitting here before me, but they must have had twig-like legs.

Anyway...

I am back from Florida, obviously, and with some precious cargo at that. :) Our trip to Disney was really good and we had a good time despite being exhausting, having painful feet, and fighting bouts of motion sickness. The drive back was managable also. We did about 5 hours on tuesday night and 12 on Wednesday. We also spent 2 hours between rush hour traffic and an RV fire. Here are the details of the trip....


Sunday
Went to bed at midnight. Got up at 4 am to go to the airport for my 7 am flight. I didnt realize it, but EVERYONE and their 10 crying children fly to orlando early in the morning. I also sat in front of someone who seemed to have emphysema during the flight. Nothin like a wet hack aimed towards the back of your head for 2 hours to get you excited for landing!
My flight landed around 9 and we went directly to the All Star Music Resort. We checked in but our room wasnt ready so we went right to Magic Kingdom. On 4 hours sleep.
So we were at Magic Kingdom until 11 pm and we had mostly marvelous timing for everything. I think the longest we waited for a ride was a half hour... most stuff was maybe 5 mins, and thats just how long it took to walk the winding pathways up to the ride. Naturally we did the requisite Splash and Space Mountain. We purposely skipped Its A Small World... but definitely went on Pirates of the Caribbean. Around 7:30 we parked our butts along mainstreet so that we could get a good spot for the SpectroMagic Parade... which we definitely did... and for the fireworks. Overall, definitely very good. And Ethan got me funnel cake. Unfortunately, I was ready to have a mental breakdown after the fireworks because I was so stinkin exhausted. We made it back to the hotel, went to our room, and I passed out for a good 10 hours.

MONDAY
Ethan had to go into work on Monday for his exit interview. They wanted me to come in, but I definitely needed sleep much more than I needed to meet them. So I slept for awhile after he left. Ethan got back around noontime and we went to Epcot. Let me just say that THERE WAS NO ONE THERE!!! It was so sweet, we waited for pretty much nothing and it was a beautiful beautiful day.
That being said, the weather was wonderful wihle we were there... hovering around the low 80s, sunny, slight breeze.... It was just gorgeous, we couldnt have gone at a better time. things really seemed to be on our side.
Epcot was great... but I think most of our motion sickness happened here.
We wento n Mission: Space and while it was an extremely cool ride, just as Josh said... about 15 more seconds and both of us would have puked hardcore. By the end of the 4 minute ride, I was praying for it to be over. Basically they use the combination of a centrifuge and a video screen that looks like 3D to make you feel like you are blasting off into space and going to mars. Holy. Cow. It was very very awesome.... but before you get into the ride, the tell you a BILLION times that if you get motion sick, you should not go on the ride. And then they tell you about astronauts throwing up during their training. And they say that if you start to feel gross, do NOT close your eyes, but to keep them open and stare straight ahead! And then THEN! they have motion sickness throw up bags on either side of you when you actually get in the ride. So even if you have never gotten motion sick before, you have already psyched yourself into it. Anyway, it was very cool, but both of us had to sit for a few minutes afterwards to assure that we didnt throw up. I dont think the people at Disney would have liked that so much.
Other than that, we did the standard things... the figment ride, the spaceship earth thing inside the big ball, we looked at the manatees... it was good. we went to mexico for dinner which was yum.... and we explored the countries a bit.
Sadly, one of the best parts of the trip was going to Japan. Why? Because they had oysters that you could crack open to get pearls. You have no idea how long I have wanted and waited to do this. I could crack oysters open all day every day looking for pearls and never get bored of it. Anyway, Ethan picked out the oyster (as some kind of relationship test, apparently) and inside were TWO pearls, both a really pretty grey color. I was soooooooo excited. And I felt kinda bad that this made me so excited. But whatever. I have two awesome pearls. And the Japanese lady beat the drum for me because of it.
Morocco (I think?) was also cool... and I really really really wanted to get a belly dancer outfit. But Ethan said I couldnt wear it out in public. So I gave up on that... but I got a sweet henna tattoo on my ankle instead.
Soon after this, we sat down near mexico. We watched the fireworks, which were good, and got back to the hotel around 10ish. It was a good day, and we relaxed some and went to bed.

TUESDAY
We went to Animal Kingdom, the new park, and overall I wasnt that impressed. We went on the new rollercoaster, Expedition Everest, which was cool... and a Dinosaur ride (though we didnt get caught in the middle of the ride like I wanted to... ive always wanted to get stuck inside a ride, dont ask me why).... but other than that, it was kind of like a zoo. And I would rather just go to the zoo instead of pay millions of bucks to go to animal kingdom. I think its awesome that Disney is making a preserve out of their land, and they definitely should do it... but I would rather go to a zoo to see animals. They definitely won for the best music (all african and caribbean and asian) and the coolest show. There were these African guys who were totally ripped and did this crazy acrobatic stuff that I was way impressed with. it was very very cool. We also went to see Its Hard To Be A Bug, which is similar to Honey I Shrunk The Audience in Epcot. I wont spoil the little suprises if you ever go. But it was good.
This was the hottest day we had, topping out at 86 or so, but Animal Kingdom is really really shady (and I dont mean in a scary way) so we didnt mind the heat. We were only at the park for like 4 hours... then we left to start driving home.
We drove just into South Carolina and stayed at the most ghetto Ramada ever. But it was a bed, and that was good, and hopefully we wont get mold infections from the bathroom.

WEDNESDAY
We drove a good 12 hours, stopped at South Of The Border for lunch, got stuck in rush hour traffic in DC and then an accident around Baltimore. Theres not much to say about it all.... it was a lot of driving.



So we made it and now we are home... actually, Ethan isnt, he went to his sisters graduation yesterday and they were planning on coming back tonight, but his brother Elliot got a flat tire so they are waiting on AAA. I dont think they have left yet and they have a decent 7 or 8 hour ride. That was the trip and I am hoping to get some pictures up soon... we didnt take a lot of pictures of "stuff" cuz I dont reallyl ike scenery pictures.... so we took some of each other and I will get them up when I can.


As far as other stuff going on... I am caught up in a struggle with work to get hours, so I might be looking for a temp job in the near future... And im so pumped for china, I just go the music, and its about 20 pieces, including Mozart's Requiem... obviously I got a lot of learning to do. its couple of hours worth of music... but I cant wait to be singing again, I miss it so much.

and thats about all thats going on. woohoo.