ARG

I wrote a super long post about what happened on Wednesday... and naturally as I was finishing it, my computer died.

So if you want to know what happened, you will just have to ask.




Bottom line though is, I guess, my dad has one more chance to stay sober.

God is bowling

My parents used to tell me that thunder was God bowling... and lightening was a strike.

God sure is doing a lot of bowling.



It is currently pouring at work, though the only reason I can tell from my cubicle is because there is a skylight in the vincinity and I can hear it beating down.

I love the sound.




"Oh I love a rainy night... love a rainy night..."


Okay no, let's not go there.




Last night was really nice. Jon and I went to one of my favorite italian places in West Chester for dinner. I got what I always get - farfalette alla salmone. Mmmm bowtie pasta with salmon in a pink cream sauce. Yesterday I basically blew my attempt to NOT eat wheat by indulging in (in order) banana bread, a donut, a soft pretzel, bread, bruschetta, bow tie pasta, and sponge cake.

It was a delicious day.

Anyway, we had a leisurely dinner, and a good time too, I think.

Afterwards we went to Bed Bath and Beyond and picked up some things for my aunt and uncles wedding shower. Jon impulse bought some 350 thread count sheets... which, for some reason, felt better than the 600 count. He also bought us each a pillow, specifically designed for belly sleepers... well... as much as a $12 pillow can be.

We drove home and hung out for awhile, listening to the rain. It was good.




But then I slept HORRIBLY!

First of all, as I said, God was bowling. Like hardcore.

But then I had a really really bad dream.... i will do my best to describe it to you.


The dream was almost like jumanji...

Basically it started out with me driving along the road. And then I notice that some cattle are not within their fence. These aren't like plain old black and white cows, but sleek black and brown cattle with horns and everything. A big black one gets close to me... close enough to see a crazy look in his eyes... and then the stampede starts. I am in my car, so naturally I feel fairly safe enough though these huge animals are running past me.

Then one particularly large animal comes at my car head on... I figure they have to veer to the left or right... instead they go OVER my car... and in the process break the windshield and dent in the hood... they also crush down the roof. At this point I am really freaked out and I start wondering what was going on that would make this happen.

But then I find out. I HUGE ape... like King Kong sized.... comes loping over from my right. Another car starts coming towards me, and the ape grabs the car, pulls the person out, and starts ripping them to shreds. I decide that perhaps I ought to consider leaving... i put my pedal to the floor and hightail it out of there...

It is pouring in my dream. I come to a place where the road is sandwiched between a mountain and a river swollen with flood water. The road is lined with telephone and electrical wires... which, of course, have snapped and are now laying in a pool of water that has collected in the road. It is an impass.

There are other people there, and we do not know what to do.

We climb up this rickety wooden structure, hoping that perhaps we can somehow either move the wire without electrocuting ourselves, or get around that part of the road. We know though, that we are not safe in the woods by ourselves, we need some sort of vehicle.

Then the elephants come.

The elephants see us up on the wooden structure and begin to reach for us with their trunks. They want to eat us. You could just tell. They were pulling at the structure, trying to bring us down.

It was so scary.



I mean, sure, a cattle stampede, king kong, and some giant bloodthirsty elephants probably do not seem like a huge deal to you... but I was trying not to get trampled / eaten / fried.


I woke up as the elephants were shaking the wooden structure... it was before my alarm went off.



Scary scary!




So that was my dream, and I woke up with my heart absolutely racing. I am not sure what i would do in that situation... but I am pretty sure I do not have to worry about it now.


It must have been the lemon mousse before bed.

help

If you read my blog today... or really any day soon...

please pray for my family.





Let's just say, in so many words, that the shit is hitting the fan.

I may be moving out sooner than I planned for.

I don't even know what will happen.

daily snickers

I love this... I absolutely love it:

3) Do you think humans are animals... or are we something else? EXPLAIN your answer for full credit!!!
Well... There are some humans I would think are more reptiles than mammals... But, either way, yes, I think humans are animals. We may sparate ourselves from what are traditionally animals, but we're not that far off. Humans still have those animalistic instincts. Such as being protective of food and shelter. In the wild, you will often see a pack of wolves chase a bear away from their kill... This can also be found withing humans too. If you catch your friend trying to snarf your fries during lunch, you get annoyed, right? Exactly, it's instinct to be posessive of what we find to be rightfully ours. Same goes for shelter. Like male lions fighting over territory, humans will also do the same. If someone brakes into your home, you defend it, (I'd hope). You wouldn't just let this stranger kick you out and take over. Also, there's socialization. Many animals live in packs, herds, pods, etc. Humans do too. We have our families, and our friends. With animals, particularly wolves, there's always an alpha female, an alpha male, and a beta female. This can be found within humans too, (don't believe me, observe any local high school near by). There's always the leader, the guy who is always following her around, and the girl who sucks up to her.







I just think that answer is totally awesome and well-thought and well-put! YAY for teaching science! hehe




Another great response today:

The thing I found most interesting was the part in the powerpoint where you stated about how hard it would be if we had to think to make our heart beat or even think to digest our food. That really made me think. I'm so happy God made us so fear fully and wonderfully made!!!!

Thank goodness for AARP

It is Thursday night at 8:30. Where am I, might you ask?

Well, I am at work.



Please note my vernacular for distinguishing between my two jobs...
my job teaching is refered to as "school"... even though some complain that I learn nothing there, and so it should not be called school.
my job at the hospital is called "work".


So after spending all day at school, I am now at work.

Let's not forget to mention that I was at class last night. Class happens to be the grad class I am taking for my masters. Should I call that school? Perhaps. But I dont. Deal with it.



So I thought I would pick up a few extra hours here and there to fund my "move the heck out of your parent's house for heavens-sake you are turning 26 in a month" pot.

What a stupid idea.

I signed up today to work from 3 to 10... thinking all day about how tired I was from being out late at class and working really hard at school today. (Did you follow?)

So I get here to work, hoping to prehaps shorten the short shirt and stay only til 7. Yet, as I said, it is 8:30, and I have not left. Turns out because I signed up to work tonight, someone ELSE felt like it was okay for them to take off.


Although I really have no right to be mad, I kind of am. I really do not want to stay to 10, that was just ambitious.

Then, when I walk in, turns out there are 4 of us... and I MIGHT be able to leave at 10.... IF we are not busy.


!


So that being said, I am woefully underprepared for work, having no magazine or book. I did some schoolwork, but grading gets boring quick.


In the end, a big thank you goes out to AARP.org.... whose games (crossword, sudoku) I can reach PAST the heinous filter that we have here at work. The hospital basically blocks anything that might be considered fun..... but AARP manages to get around it. I love you, AARP.






BTW, I might not be going to Australia.

If it turns out that I am not, you will hear about it, dont you worry.

vt

You know, my mom has said several times over the past few years that she is actually scared that I am a teacher... literally frightened that I go to school every day and have direct contact with hundreds of students... some my own, some that I never taught and never will.

After I signed up to teach at cyber school, she was extremely relieved.


I, on the other hand, feel at somewhat of a loss.



At least if I was there, I could do something, right?
I have come across tons of "crazy" kids in my short time teaching...

I have lived to tell the tales.



But it IS something that lurks in the back of my mind - what if?



This year, I have quite a few students who are really odd... odd enough to actually scare me. But what can you do aside from trying to reach out to them? Passing them along to guidance? Encouraging them???

And if you do that, does it put you more at risk?


Who is a kid going to kill - someone they know, or someone they have never met?


I guess you just don't know, but I think it is really important to point out that this is not, by any means, an epidemic... this does NOT happen all the time... it is an anomoly... and although people should have plans in place to deal with these kinds of things... you simply just do not know when someone is going to fly off the handle.

You also do not know if a kid is going to be really angry at someone else and take other people down with them.


Sure, parents, teachers, and friends need to watch out for other people... know the signs... try to get people help if they are worried about them... but in the end, you do the best that you can do, and there will still be incidents like this. If someone is really hell-bent on destruction, I honestly feel like there is not a ton you can do to stop from doing it... you just gotta have some way of stopping them once they start.


As my mom and I were watching the newscasts, she kept asking Why? Why are kids killing each other? Why are things the way they are?


There are so many reasons!

Lack of love, of contact, of close family relationships, close friends...
Lack of support, of confidence...
Overabundance of media, pressure, stress, goals...


Too many drugs, too few hugs? I don't know.




I do not think that there is an answer. Today I was talking to my students about depression... they all honestly and sincerely felt that the key to alleviating all of this is for parents to spend more time with their kids. They felt like people should not take anti depressants... they should go to counseling... they should talk to their friends and family.

Ahh my dear sweet 15 yr olds.

What I proposed to them was, How do you do it?! How do you do it when oftentimes both parents need to work and when they are finished work they are exhausted and unable to spend time with their kids? How do you do it when people are so sensitive and every person who feels a little bit sad once in awhile can get a rx for paxil or zoloft? How do you do it when kids are isolated and spend all of their time on the computer, watching tv, or playing video games??

I asked them how to change the world.



They did not have an answer... but the fact that they know that family and friends and love can make a difference gives me hope... and I hope that in their generation, they make the time... that they make it happen.


There will always be people with problems... there will always be people who go to extremes to "fix" those problems... But hopefully as the world realizes how deficit we are in personal relationships and priorities that MATTER... maybe things will change.

Maybe not soon enough.

school daze

Sometimes... you just gotta wonder....




Case A:
"Dear Ms. A [the physics teacher], I was talking with my sister about spiders today and I remembered that one of my friends had said that spiders crawl out of your mouth while you sleep, not regular spiders, but spiders that the body produces or something like that - not actual bugs."



Case B:
"Hi Ms. S, I was just wondering about the free response if I have to do them or not... thank you, R"

[ed note: free responses are a type of lesson in cyber school where they have a blank box that they can type a short answer in. I use these lessons probably 2 or 3 times a week, where they have some activities to do, then answer some questions at the end, which are sent to me]

"Hi R,
I am not sure what you are talking about - your question is rather broad. Could you be a bit more specific? What lessons are you talking about??
Ms. S"





"with the free responses am i to do them or not"





...




Sigh.




Sometimes kids are great though....

I posted a lesson where kids were encouraged to tell next year's class their words of wisdom concerning Biology... here are some exerts...




MRS. S IS THE PALCS DEVIL!!!!!!! Just kidding! =D

Mrs. S is an excellent teacher that has high expectations for her students. She is very demanding but very interesting.

[ed note: yeah apparently because I am a teacher, I am automatically married.]

Above all else she can be tricky WATCH OUT and get to know her Ms. S is an awesome teacher HAVE FUN!!!!!

E-mail Ms. S with any questions, even if you feel stupid about it. She answers them and helps you out, without judging you.

All I have to say is that Ms. S is TOTALLY AWESOME, listen to what she says! She does actually know stuff ( thats for all you high and mighty teens out there! ) Also TURN IN YOUR ASSIGNMENTS ON TIME!!!!!! you deffinetly get a better grade that way! Do try to stay a head, and try not to fall asleep during Ms. S's mp3's! (LOL Ms. S! ) [ed note: some students have complained that my voice on my mp3s is "too soothing" and they fall asleep!!!] come into this class having a good attitude and Biology will be 1000x more interesting. And the projects are GREAT!! oh yeah, ALWAYS ASK QUESTIONS!!( if you are having trouble) how do you think Ms. S got so smart huh?

Don't try to slide through the class. It's much more fun when you try to learn instead of just trying to get an A. If you do have questions, do not be afraid to ask them; Ms. S. is glad to answer any questions you have, AS LONG AS you have already gone through the material she has given.

This was my favorite class this year and the best advice is to open ALL of the Powerpoints and MP3s because she simplifies the lessons presented in the book and makes them easier to understand. DO NOT be afraid to ask her for help, because Ms. S is the fairest teacher I have ever known as long as she sees that you are trying and DOING the work. My hardest section was Genetics, but when I went and talked to her she made it much easier to understand. And the projects are really fun, and are a great way to help your grade if your lessons are not so hot. Sometimes you can learn from research on a certain subject, get an A and bring your grade up a bit. Oh, Ms. S gives ALOT of Extra Credit, so pay attention and watch the Powerpoints to the end. Trust me!

My advice is work ahead cause then when one day maybe you don't feel like working on your Bio you don't have to. And if you don't get something ask her she'll explain it to you in a way that you will understand. Don't fall behind, you'll screw yourself hardcore. Don't just bs your work cause then when she asks you something that you would have needed to really do the work to understand and answer correctly you won't know. Don't get overwhelmed any questions you have she will answer.

Take plenty of notes! Don't put the big projects off. Then again...don't put any assignments off. Watch everything that's posted...even if their creepy movies like the Black Widow one. Their actually pretty useful, as weird or creepy as they are








So yeah... sometimes kids are really cute. I love being a teacher some days. :)

A year in the life

I am trying to go forward, not backward... but it is incredible that it has been a whole year since NOT moving to Florida.

So here are some memories made along the way...

Quitting my jobs
Saying good bye
Signing a lease
Getting out of a lease
Everything changing
Disney
Almost puking on the space ride
Being scared and nervous and unsettled
Looking for a job
Interviewing at schools
China
The Temple of Heaven
Everything being different for me
My eyes being opened
Having my heart broken
Getting a job
Teaching
Meeting new people
Being led on
Times with family
Being strong
Making decisions
Finding peace
Smiling again
Utah
Being scared (again)
Laughter
Puppets
Sock fights
Surgery
Pain
Fear
Feeling empty
Feeling content
Florida (again)
Sunsets
Planning things
Resting in God
Trusting
Hoping
And more hoping






I know that I talked about this in March some time... but it really is incredible how fast time has gone. I am not sure if it teaching that makes things go faster or what. I guess technically this is the first time I have really held a full time job for more than a few months. It has absolutely flown by.

I guess it shows me a couple things: that things can become radically different within a short period of time... and if you let time slip away from you, you might not get to do the things you wanted to do.

A good example might be going to the gym. I started going approximately a year ago, and did REALLY well with it... until school started in September. I slowly dropped off, and only in March did I get back to it. After a 5 or 6 month hiatus, I am utterly weak again. My body would be completely different if I had stuck to it in those months. But I didn't, and time slipped away.

I am not particularly worried about not accomplishing things in my life, or not getting done what I want to do... I am pretty confident that it will all happen within good time. And this past year, I have really been taught to rely on God's plan, not my own. That is not to say I am GOOD at relying on His plan... just that I recognize it usurps my own, and no matter what i WANT to do... It is whatever God wants to happen that will ultimately happen.

I had a very strange experience here at the hospital yesterday... and I do not want to go into detail because it was pretty intense and I am still not sure what to make of it. But someone at work told me to keep looking forward and not looking backward... to keep going towards who I am going to be, not who I was.

I appreciated the words, because I think in part it is what I needed to hear.


When I review the past year, I can see me changing and growing a lot - even though there was a lot of trial and pain. Perhaps because of that.

And I have to keep in mind that hope is expectant.... that hope is not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN things will happen. I trust where I am right now is where I am supposed to be. I look forward to my future, whatever course it takes.



We shall see. :)

happy friday the thirteenth

Random awesome fact of the day:

Your bone marrow produces about 2 million red blood cells per SECOND.





Who says that I am not learning anything being a teacher?!

they always come clean

Hello Pat.

Paige.

Jenn.

Leslie.




You little stalkers, you. ;)




It is Thursday around 6. For some reason, I decided it would be a fun idea to work a full day at school and then work some more at the hospital. At this very moment, I happen to be yawning and wondering what the heck I was thinking.

All said and done, it has been a VERY easy time tonight, so I really should not complain about the extra dinero. I appreciate the flexibility of the hospital... I am now allowed to work partial shifts since someone got fired. Mwa ha ha.


I mean, it is bad for them and all, and I really do feel sorry for them, but it definitely frees up some hours for me to snatch up.
Tomorrow I will stop in for some training, and then Sat I am working from noon til 11:30pm. Fun fun.



This week has been pretty slow, somewhat dragging. Coming back from spring break is always a bummer and I am not all that motivated to do work. I have had some encouraging moments today, though.

One student told me that even though she plans on being a writer, she has liked Biology so much that she is definitely going to take a Biology class in college.
Another student sent me an "Awesome Teacher Award". Hehe.
I also had a few conversations with my youngest student, an 8th grader, who is 13 and sees a life of endless possibilities before her. She is a GREAT kid, and I hope that my kids can grow up like her.


I finished grades this week, and was pleased to see that only 20% of my students failed this marking period. Out of that 20%, there are probably only 5 of them that actually try and struggle and need my help... the rest do not do a darned thing. So I feel pretty good about that. Most of my kids have been doing really super well, though it helps that Zoology is a breeze and it is something they can relate to more than theoretical genetics.


Time continues to move quickly, as we are almost halfway through April. Things will continue to get busier as I go on a few school trips (to NYC for a few days, to proctor PSSAs again, Dorney Park, Hershey Park, prom???) and get ready to travel this summer.

The more I think about it, the more scared I am for Montana. It will be me, my mom, my 3 aunts, and my cousin. They are already trying to figure out how much to pack and how many cars we will need. We will only be gone for a week!!!
It seems like it will be a lot of fun.... but that is a LOT of estrogen... and a 40 year span of ages. There is me at 25, my cousin at 32, my aunt at 42ish?, other aunt at 50, my mom at 54, and my other aunt at 64. Or something like that.

Ugh, its like sisterhood of the traveling pants or some other type of girly road trip movie. I guess I will have to borrow the video camera from Jon. :)




Let's see... what else?

I have been a bit antsy lately, but I think it is because I have not been to "my" church in awhile. Between traveling, worship team for camp, getting sick, etc... I just have not gone. Sundays are cherished sleep days anyway, when I get them.

Whenever I spend time away from church or bible study, this feeling of discontent and disconnect starts growing in me. In the past, I have realized it all too late... but I am (dare I say!) getting mature enough to know that the empty feeling is distance from God.

Over the past few years, my need for a relationship with God has grown considerably... to the point where I need it in my life, I need it in my relationships, and would love to have that with my friends.

It is strange to me that while my friends are so close, we are a bit distant in that area... it is just something that goes unspoken.


I was relating to a woman in my bible study that I have a hard time spiritually sometimes because I really do not have anyone to TALK to about it. I mean, yes, of course, the women of my bible study... but they are all older than me, married, kids... Their perspective is, of course, extremely valuable, and I treasure it. I am so blessed to have these women in my life who pray for me and hope for me.

Yet, it would still be nice to have a peer group of those women too.

I have also been having somewhat of a difficult time because although I would like to get more involved with the church I (try to) attend, E happens to be doing the same thing, and that sort of pushes me away. The last thing I want to do is to stifle his spirituality again. And I feel like, in a sense, he needs those close relationships even more than I do right now. At the same time, however, I really WANT to get to know people there. But how could I go to the 20's ish age bible study when he is there? Especially because I know that it is only like 5 people? It would just be really hard on us both, I think.

Anyway, I need to do something, and I think in the next school year (incredible to think I think that far ahead) I will join one of their women's bible studies once I wrap up Hebrews. It would do me good. I hope.



Time to go home...

Spring break is almost over...

Well, the trip to Florida is wonderful, and if you want to check out the pictures, just check the link to the right. Here is a quick summary:

Friday: We arrived to the condo around 3ish, but had somewhat of a mishap with the keys (they did not work) so after a few calls to the relatives, scary Tony, the landlord, came down and let us in. I cannot recall doing much that night... we went to Topps to get some food, ate a bit, walked on the beach and perhaps into town? I really do not remember. It was so nice to just BE down there!!!

Sat: We went out on the beach, Jon got burnt. :) Joann and Sal dropped by to sit on the beach with us for awhile, and later that night Andy and Kathy stopped in. I *think* we went into town again. I bought a bathing suit and a dress, Jon got board shorts and flip flops. Very beachy. :) We also got aloe for Jon's burn.

Sun: What did we do Sunday??? I think maybe this was the day we went to the greyhound tracks. We spent a lot of money, but when the day was over, we really only lost $20. I also managed to get burnt on my chest and arm due to driving and sitting in the sun without suntan lotion at the track. Oops! That night, we went out to dinner (at the wrong place) but had a good time. We brought dessert home and watched some tv, read, and relaxed in general. Oh, we also had gone out to breakfast at Reese's which is like "the cow" of Ft Myers Beach. MMMMMMM!

Monday: Lover's Key, I think. We shelled for quite awhile and appreciated the colors of the ocean. That night we went over to aunt Joanns for a scrumptious dinner and some entertainment by her and Sal and their various island friends. We had a lot of fun, but Jon got a huge headache. :(

Tuesday: Ugh, last day!!! We went out on the beach again and spent some time in the town getting gifts. That night we played a lot of lottery tickets and did a whirlwind clean up of the condo before we came home.


The trip was great, though I have to admit my favorite times were the sunset walks. There were so many awesome sea creatures to play with, not to mention how gorgeous the sunsets are there!!! Overall, it was extremely relaxing and I am pretty confident that we both caught up on our sleep. Yet, it is back to the grind already, with waking up at 4:30 for our flight home... then Jon going to work Thursday and me to the King Tut exhibit. (Which was very cool by the way, and very informative, but I suggest an imax movie also if you are going to go!) I think both of us were wishing that we had stayed the whole week instead of cutting it short and coming back.

But the good news is that we did not get sick of each other! :) And we actually had fun. :)





April and May are looking to be rather busy, but I am glad for it. Someone at the hospital got suspended, so his hours are open and I am planning on doing some partial shifts here to make some extra money. Also, my per diem weekend rate just got raised... $37/hour baby! That is EXCITING and I definitely plan on taking advantage of it as much as I can. :) Most hospitals in the area make about that much per diem, and we were making $30 before... so everyone is pretty pleased about the increase. I certainly am.


Other things...

I recently was reading an article about a famliy of a severely mentally handicapped girl who had taken measures to ensure that their daughter remain small. They stunted her growth with an aggressive estrogen treatment, she had a hysterectomy and they removed her breast buds. This way, she would keep the body of a 9 year old, as her brain remained that of a 3 month old.

I just thought it was really interesting because there was SO much controversy over it. It is "interfering with nature"...

But really, it seemed to me like the best thing to do. If you want to read about it, just google "Ashley Treatment". Obviously it is easiest to care for someone who is tiny because you can lift them and move them around easily. Plus babies love to be held, and a girl who is mentally 3 months old is no different. The parents had compelling arguments... Not only would this allow her to be cuddled and moved and danced with all of her life, but it would allow her parents to continue to be her primary care givers. It would allow them to take her out into social situations a lot easier. Plus she would not have to deal with painful menstruation or heavy breasts or be sexualized by any future caregivers. Brilliant, I say!

It also really got me thinking about how I would handle having a mentally or physically handicapped cihld of my own. It seems to me that most parents really do rise to the occassion, and I hope that if I have children with issues that I am able to do the same thing. You never know the means by which God is going to bless you, that is for certain.



Anyway, almost time to go home from work at the hospital.

And naturally I did 0 grading while I was here. Sigh.

sigh

We are back home, well rested, slightly burnt, hair a bit lighter...

Unfortunately the rain and cold were not all that welcoming in Philly, but at least we have pictures to tide us over.